The other night, I went night geocaching with some friends. It was rather late and we were walking through a wooded area that was not well lit up. Early in our excursion, we saw a light coming towards us. Yet we couldn't see the source and that as you might imagine was terrifying. It wasn't until this light past us, that we saw it was just a man innocently running by. For the rest of the time however, my friends were especially on edge as the woods had a new eerie feeling and the idea that we weren't alone seemed to lie around every corner.
During this time, I was having a conversation with one of the girls about being a fighter vs. being a flighter. I told her if we met a scary murderer in the woods, the rest of them should just run and I would fight him off for us. Some of this comes from me thinking I'm tougher than I really am, some of it is just the fact in my very core I'm a protector, but as we were talking another interesting realization occurred to me. Part of it is that dying doesn't frighten me. I no longer believe dying is the bad thing that I once thought it to be.
This of course sparked an interesting conversation between my friend and I starting with the question, "So do you want to die?" (I'm sure that some of this question lies behind a concern that maybe me saying that death wasn't so bad meant I was slightly suicidal which I promise I'm not.) And it has taken me a really long time to get to answer like this but it truly is yes and no. But a guy named Paul puts my thoughts on the issue in much better words than I do:
"For me to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body." (Philippians 1:21-24)
When I first ran into these words and gave them serious consideration, I was under the impression that this Paul guy probably just had a sucky life. Because if his life was even remotely good, why in the world would he want to die? And I knew this must be a somewhat godly attitude at least by its mere presence in the Bible, but getting to a place that I thought that death would be a good thing just seemed totally foreign and out of reach to me. And I think that's how most Christians feel about verses like this. But as our love for Christs grows in us my friends that's not how it should be. Let me explain some of my thoughts that led to this transformation of attitude.
One of the most common arguments on why we don't want to die is more of a "not yet" excuse on our parts. Such as "I don't want to die because I want to finish college/get married/have kids/reach my career goal/fill in your own blank first." This is the "there's more to life that I want to experience" philosophy. And you know what, there's more to life that I want to experience as well. But it doesn't actually matter to me if I get to experience it or die first. Because if these experiences are really good things, why would death separate me from them? Would my good and loving God really let me get to heaven and take away from me good things? Or to use the words of Paul again, "He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all-how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?" (Romans 8:32). This promise is surely not just for life, but tenfold more in heaven! God is bringing in a new heaven and a new earth and behold it will be better! "For the creation was subjected to frustration...in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God." (Romans 8:20-21). God's not destroying and taking away the awesome beauty of the things He created that we enjoy on Earth, but He's purifying them and making them better for us! Sunsets? There but better. The tropical islands I've always wanted to go to? There but better. Puppies? Try there but on steroids with their love and playfulness. God gives good things my friends, He doesn't take them away! So why wouldn't death be better?
On top of that though, there is such an advantage to death that we, as Christians, will never have in life. It's the intimacy we will get to have with seeing and walking with Christ face to face. Imagine you were going away on a trip and you're married or have a significant other and they can't go. During this trip, you can talk to them on the phone, you can write letters, but it's just not the same. Your heart longs to be with them face to face, to be held by them, to be able to look into their eyes and see that love they have for you. Shouldn't your heart also long to be in the presence in Your Savior and Love in that way? Mine does. It took a lot of discovering in my heart of hearts of God's intimate love and passion for me to get my heart there, but some days I just find my heart longing to have that face to face time, snuggling with Jesus. I can't wait until I can be with Him like that. To take walks with Him. To be able to make Him dinner and enjoy His company over that meal. To stargaze with Him as He shows me the galaxies and tells me the names of the stars. To just be with Him. My heart longs for this so much, doesn't anyone else's?
Additionally, it will be so good to finally be done with sin. To have that bondage broken once and forever. Because on Earth, I am so aware of how I mess up. Of how I struggle. And I'm so sick of doing things that are displeasing to God but I often can't help myself. And on this side of heaven, we'll all struggle. But Jesus promises to take those who love Him and perfect them. In Revelation 21, Jesus leaves us with the promise "Behold I am making all things new!" and He tells us of a place where "There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Deep down in my heart of hearts, I long for this place, this perfection and I know that in this world I am incapable of achieving it. But I know in the next world, Jesus is giving that to me as a gift. And I find myself growing impatient some days as I wait to receive it.
One thing does make me sad to die though. It's all the people that I know won't be in heaven with me. It's the friends I hold so dearly, but don't know Christ as their Savior. That's why as Paul said being here needs to be fruitful labor to me. Because while I'm here, I need to do everything I can to change that. And some days, I suck at that but when I think of that last day that will be the only thing I would have wished I had the chance to do in life before I was gone. To reach down and grab more people to take with me on that journey to be with my Lord. And if anyone else feels this way, go do something about it. Today I am and I pray that until death I will.
