A Better Reward

I'm currently in a 90 day Bible reading challenge with my roommate and some girls she goes to Bible study with. It's been a lot of reading each day but it is cool to read the Bible this fast to see major themes that you otherwise miss. It's been giving me a lot bigger picture look at events and how they fit in the puzzle. 

Today I just finished reading about all the battles in the book of Joshua. In short the story goes: there were 12 tribes in Israel. God leads them out through a guy named Moses. Moses is to lead them into the promised land, which would be super duper awesome. Moses sends spies into this promised land, and although they see how super duper awesome it is, they say 'It might be great, but we could never overtake those people'. Two spies say 'No, with God on our side we can.' (The names of these spies are Caleb and Joshua.) God decides since that generation doesn't have faith that they'll take a walk in the desert for the next 40 years until all but Caleb and Joshua drop dead. Moses dies, Joshua takes over as leader. Joshua then leads the people into the promised land and by the Lord's command in every town they defeat, they burn it to the ground. Nothing is to remain. 

Now I'm not a military specialist, but this seems like an over the top plan to me. Sure, maybe it would be great to not leave any of our enemies living. Then they can't attack us. That makes sense. But burn the entire town to the ground? Isn't this excessive? Those were perfectly good towns Lord! But with every town they burned to the ground, never to be rebuilt again, they were displaying a trust in the Lord. A trust that says "I know that what I see is good, but I know in this act of obedience You will bless me with what is better." The Israelites had to trust that the Lord would provide them with better cities before they chose to burn down the cities they captured of their enemies. We often have to make a similar choice.

This choice might have to do with sin in our lives. James 1:14-15 says "But each one is tempted when by his own evil desires he is lured away and enticed. Then after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin when it is fully grown, gives birth to death."  Sin is appealing. It is something we desire. But sin leads to a separation with a Holy God. And He gave us the Law through Moses to show us what holiness is so we can live in better relationship with this Holy God by following the Law. We ultimately couldn't do that so Jesus was sent to cure that eternal separation problem. Yet sin still separates us from the Lord today. Now what God tells us to do with sin is no different than what He told Joshua to do with those enemy towns: "Destroy everything. I don't want any traces left of what will separate me and you." And we, as believers, need to trust that God is better and His plan for us is better than that sin in our lives for us to overcome it.

This similar choice also might have to do with good things in our lives. Yes, God is the giver of good gifts. But He also calls anyone who wants to be a Christian to "deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me." We're called into a life of denial. I often hear among the LGBT community in particular, "If I was made with these desires, how can it be wrong?" or "Isn't love a good thing?" But the thing is that it's not just them (although Christians often like to target them), but we all have desires that we are called to deny. I serve as a missionary. Recently I've been thinking about whether that will be a long-term position for me or not. As I think about that it's hard not to think about the ways the Lord has called me to deny myself of good things. Like if I stay on the field long-term, I am most likely giving up a husband and consequently kids. Yes, I would love a family of my own some day, but know that the odds of getting that while working in another country is slim. And to stay here long term, that's a denial I'll need to be okay with. (Whether I am or not is another story that I haven't quite figured out yet.)  I also am denying myself a dependable income from a "real" job, even though that's a good thing. Denial of good things is sometimes necessary to be closer to the Great Thing (that is God). Don't assume that just because something is good that God wouldn't call you to give it up. 

Going into the subject of denial, I want to talk about a group that the Lord seemed to really deny as they went into the promised land. They were called the Levites. The Levites were the people set aside to be the priests of God. Something that Moses continually reminded the Levites before they entered was that they got no land to claim as their own. Instead as all of their brothers and fellow Israelites got land, the Lord just told them "You will have no inheritance in their land, nor will you have any share among them; I am your share an your inheritance among the Israelites." (Numbers 18:20) And this phrase appears over and over. God's constantly reminding them, as people who serve Me, I will give you nothing but Me! I'm sure some of them probably felt ripped off. I mean how could God give them no land? What's the deal? But again they must trust that God is better than the land would be. 

Again as I think about the potential of life long-term in the mission field, being a missionary is much like being a Levite. I rely on a team of supporters; I don't have a way to support myself. I am not building for myself a home, because as a missionary I live pretty simply. And because as someone God has called away, you never know when the call to leave will be. With people coming and going all the time, there seems to be a lack of permanence no matter how long you're there. But in this Levite-like existence, it's somehow easier to see God. There's less distractions on my time and attention. He's more at work as I seek to actively serve Him. And I'm reminded of just how good it is to be with the Lord, closely communing with Him. But the choice is always: Is He better than....? 

The entirety of our lives is made up of choices. You made the choice to read this blog. You chose what to eat to day. You may not think you have much say, but you have some choice in where you live (even if its with your parents, you could have chose the park bench). And what God asks all of us is will you turn to Me in those choices? This will often look like giving things up, but will you decide I'm worth it? And I challenge you to ask yourself what the Lord might be calling you to give up to gain that better reward of His closeness. 

A Wall of Memories

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted last. Life has been very busy with school ending last week. Now that it's over though, my roommates and I have been doing some work around the house. One of the things we decided to do that we've talked about for a while is make a memory wall. It's a combination of pictures and quotes we've collected throughout the year. I've included a picture of the memory wall at the bottom if you want to see my roommate, Claire, and I's awesome home decorating skills. I've also included some of my favorite pictures from the wall here.

With everything we've done to decorate and clean up in the last few days, I think this wall is the most important thing. I think it's such an important thing because the act of remembering is an important one.

Moto ride to right before this guy's bike broke down lol

It's important for me to remember....that life here is filled with good things, fun things, and lots of adventure. You might be thinking, "Well how could you forget that? You went overseas!" And taking a trip overseas is all of those things all of the time (I imagine...I haven't really ever done the whole vacation thing in foreign countries). But living in another country often yields a different reality. For a period of about a month, we had power and water outages every day for several hours a day. That's not fun. Waiting in a line for extraordinary amounts of time at supermarkets isn't fun. Navigating another culture day in and day out can be exhausting. But for all of the times that it's hard, it's important to remember that being a missionary isn't this terrible life of suffering that the Lord has called us to. It's more often a life of blessing, a life of good times and awesome friends, and a life of adventure.

It's important to remember....that my work doesn't define me.  Let's be real. We all know teachers work crazy amounts of hours to make things awesome for their students. With lessons to be planned, papers to be graded, and messes to clean up, there's always something more you could do. And when I share with people why I moved over here, it is about my job. I moved here to serve my students and I get to do that through teaching. Even when I have breaks, it's often dedicated to the other part of my job: being a good missionary and updating supporters. Yet I am not just a missionary teacher. I exist instead the way every human does: to love and to be loved. My memories help remind me there's so much more to life than the everyday grind I often get stuck in seeing.

My 3 rocks this year :)

It's important to remember...that as crazy as my friends sometimes make me here, my life without them would drive me more crazy. One thing that's interesting about living overseas is the ex-patriot friends you have to choose from here are very limited. Not that local friends aren't great, I've made a number of those here too, but friends who I don't have to think about cultural expectations with because we have similar backgrounds can be really nice. I've got a pretty tight group of about 3 girls here and we often are reminded that we would never be friends in America where the selection pool is larger. Sometimes they do things like analyze the moral meaning of Tarzan as I'm trying to enjoy a simple childhood classic, or perform gymnastic maneuvers mid-conversations, or not come home from every shopping trip with an ice cream cone for me, and I think, "Man, these guys I'm stuck with are so weird." But it's important to remember that these guys are here when I need to cry things out, they're my exploring companions, and they make my life  a lot more fun. Because sometimes they do things like hammock over night on a beach with me, join random karaoke parties with strangers with me, do really bizarre things like ride escalators backwards when Filipinos are staring so they'll think all Americans do a certain weird thing, or buy me ice cream. It's important to remind myself in those hard moments of these good moments I have with them.

Brenna, the student teacher roomie and I

It's important to remember...that despite the revolving door of hellos and goodbyes that are constant in the overseas life, relationships are worth it. Tomorrow we're dropping of one of my group of 4 at the airport as she moves back to the States. And she's not the first friend who has flown out either for furlough (a year in which a missionary goes back to the States to support raise and rest), for the summer, or for good. And good byes are hard. Earlier this year, my roommate and I had a student teacher live with us for a few months and this student teacher and I became really close. When she left, at the end of some days I would go to her room to tell her something to see that it was empty. I'd want to do something we used to do together but have no one to do it with anymore. It's hard when you're the one staying behind as the people around you leave. And soon, I'll be going back to Michigan where I said some hard good byes a year ago. And for every hello I get to say there, it will always be accompanied by a goodbye. It's hard being the one who constantly leaves. But the answer to this can not be emotional distance and walls or you miss out on the fun memories, the friendships you need and the awesome people around you. Our memory wall reminds me these relationships are worth it as hard as the goodbyes have been or will be.

It's important to remember...that the America I go back to in a few short days will not be the America I remember...but I will also not be the Kacie it remembers and that's okay. Over the last few days, I've been thinking about habits that I've picked up over here that I'll need to be aware that people will look at me like I'm weird for when I go to America in a few short days. Like eating only with a fork and spoon. Like pointing with my whole hand and signaling people over with my hand facing down. Like calling toilet paper "tissue", bathrooms "CR"'s and never using the word napkin for the thing I wipe my face with at the dinner table (napkin refers to feminine hygiene products over here). And it's not just habits, but I've also been a student of the bigger things of culture. Like Filipinos value relationships, where Americans often value time and efficiency and often one has to be sacrificed for the other. Filipinos value the group, where Americans value individualism and uniqueness. And there are more. And it's important to remind myself that America really isn't that great (or that terrible), and the Philippines really isn't that great (or that terrible), but both cultures I live in have good and bad elements. And it's okay to appreciate both and to be a product of both, taking the best I know from each.

Our Memory Wall

This memory wall we erected today serves as a reminder for all of these things. And reminders are an important thing. In Old Testament times, when someone met with God they would often build an alter there as a reminder. God gave the people feasts and festivals to celebrate during the year as reminders of what He had done. After Moses got the Law, God told him to talk about the commandments constantly and to "write them on the door frame of your house and on your gates" (Deuteronomy 11:20). The Lord knows we need to set up for ourselves reminders of what He has done and of the blessings we have. When our soul wants to dwell on the bad, we can use these reminders to help us come back to the good. The Psalms are filled with echoes of these thoughts, "Look soul, I get things are tough and you want to be a whiney baby but remember what the Lord has done for you! Keep holding on to your hope and praise Him!" If pictures can serve as a reminder to me that I need to do that, I'll cover the house! What reminders have you set up in your life to remember your blessings and praise the Lord?