Sorry I haven't blogged in a while. This semester we were really short staffed at the school, so I've been feeling the consequences of being overworked. Due to this, my communication back home has suffered. My sincerest apologies. To make up for my lack of blogging, I've decided to do this one in a more creative way than my usual posts. So here is my semester....as told by the classic Christmas carol "O Holy Night".
"Oh holy night! The stars are brightly shining. It is the night of our dear Savior's birth"
Jesus wasn't literally born this semester. But typical to the traditional Christmas story, he has shown up amidst the most unlikely circumstances. See back in the day, this happened in Bethlehem. Bethlehem is literally described as "too little to be among the clans of Judah" (Micah 5:2). Although it was the place of the prophecy, it was a place that was unlikely for God to choose to be born. It was a place of little importance. And when Jesus was born, it was announced to some unlikely characters. Being a shepherd wasn't a glamorous job or one of much importance. The magis from the East weren't even part of God's chosen people but lived in a pagan land. They were not the people we might have suspected that the birth of a Savior would be announced to. But God typically doesn't show up in the ways or places we would expect.
This truth was very true in my semester. There were moments I really thought God would show up like in Bible class where He did last year. He didn't always show up there in the ways I wanted Him to. Where He did show up was the places I wasn't looking though, the places that I ruled Him as out for the count. And it was always the places where I needed that birth of hope, the birth that only a Savior could provide.
"Long lay the world in sin and error pining"
As a result of my overworked-ness this semester, I went through a really rough time of complete and utter burnout. When I wasn't at work I couldn't help but think about work and I began to feel guilty doing other things, because I was so overwhelmed with what I had to do. My hope of that ever getting better dissipated. I looked for nothing more than mere day to day survival. As this was happening, it also became harder to keep my emotions in check. My relationships with my roommates got rocky because I was so cranky all the time. I would sometimes get short tempered with my students. It was often in those interactions I had where I lost it with my students that I really was reminded of how sinful I can be. How angry. How merciless. How in need of Someone to change me because this was not something I could overcome on my own. It was because of the awareness of sin that I really felt this semester, that I really started to feel that distance from Jesus that I had never meant to get there but somehow crept in. And in that my soul started pining for that restoration to the relationship we once had, and started pining for the change that only He could produce in me.
"Til He appeared and the soul felt it's worth"
In the middle of this, somehow I forgot my soul's worth. I became obsessed with being the best tool I could be for God and forgot that He loves and sees value in me as a person.
Now the turning point in my semester came about a month ago. I got in a fight with my roommate. After walking away until I could collect my emotions and think a little more logically, I came and sat down at our kitchen table with both my roommates. We talked for a few hours about how I had been doing and what we could do to help me. It was also this week that I also first shared with my Bible study group how I'd been doing and asked for their prayers. It was after these events that I all of a sudden started feeling better. Months of hopelessness was flushed away and I felt happy for the first time in a long time. I believe this was God moving in response to the prayers of my roommates and Bible study friends. My situation didn't change so there is no other explanation.
As Jesus showed up, I began to remember how much God valued me as a person. Not for what I could do for Him, but because He loved me. That meant I had to really take care of that person and start living more as a child of God than a slave for Him. My soul really started to feel its worth again.
"A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn."
As much as this semester has made me worn out and weary, I can't help but to fill that excitement of hope again. Although it felt like I was walking through the valley of the shadow of death, if you will, I realized that even there Jesus can show up. And his presence makes a difference. It is the light that chases away the shadow of death, that restores the weary world and gives hope. I'm excited for this new chapter of this school year that has been unlocked by His presence and hope. I'm excited to see what He does and how He works.
"Fall on your knees! Oh hear the angel voices, 'O night, o night divine, o night that Christ was born"
Looking at what God has done this semester, how he has unlocked hope in my life and restored my soul, I can't help but falling on my knees to worship. It truly is a gift divine that Jesus would come to the world and unlock hope for us all. This Christmas, that's what I'm grateful for. The hope that only Jesus can bring.
