When I was in elementary school, I remember for a writing assignment in a class we had to talk about the "perfect age" to get married, have children, etc. I think my marriage age was 22 and baby age was 25. As I check my Facebook feed, I see daily (or it feels like daily) new engagement posts, wedding photos or birth announcements. Like seriously, am I the only person who hasn't settled down yet?
Culturally speaking, I'm at the age I need to start seriously looking for a man to start building a family with. I mean that's what everyone else my age is doing. However although that's something I would love, that's just not something that's in my cards right now. When I moved from the US, one of the hardest things to give up was all of the possibilities of what could have been there. Overseas, well things are just more complicated.
And it's hard sometimes to keep things in perspective now while I'm in the US because I get to see from those who are close to me how awesome having someone to love or having a baby can be. While that is awesome, I've been working hard to keep my perspective in the correct place. Single does not equal failure. Singleness is not something I need to desperately look to shed, but something I need to continue to look to be a blessing to myself and others until God does choose to grant me those desires of my heart. And until He gives that to me, I need to choose to trust that He intends to use my singleness.
Because of my singleness, I am able to give my students more of my time and go to their events or chill after school instead of doing my work and worrying about going home. Because of my singleness, I have more flexibility to connect with my friends and to make time for them any given day. Because of my singleness, I have more time and opportunity to get quiet before the Lord and really focus on how He wants to grow me. And it's not that I want to stay single forever, but I need to consider all of these ways in which God might want to use this time of singleness, which He sees not as wasted time but as precious time. Time that I could not go without as He looks to shape me into the person I'm still striving to become.
I guess one of the reasons I'm thinking about this right now particularly is because I have a good friend getting married tonight. I met her in 4th grade when she took me under her wing at a basketball clinic and she's been like an older sister ever since. I was hanging out with her a week or two ago and she was talking passionately about how she just wants to make sure God is getting all the glory at the wedding tonight. Since talking to her about that, I couldn't help but to think she had the same mind frame throughout her singleness. Being a single adult was hard for her as well at times, but she really looked to use that time to serve others and to grow as a person of God. I hope to also chose to use my time this wisely, seeing my current singleness not as a curse, but as a blessing. And when someday I'm not single again, I'll choose to see that not as God removing something adverse to give me a blessing but just a trade of blessing for blessing.
After all Jesus was single. Yet he was deeply loved, significant and completely secure. And so am I.
