For the first time in 3 years, it's Christmas eve and I'm sitting at my parents house waiting to begin an eventful day of festivity (never mind that it's 6am and I've already been up for 3 hours, silly jet lag). For the last 3 years, I've celebrated Christmas from where I live afar at my house in the Philippines. It's only this year as my family is in the middle of big changes that I felt like I couldn't miss did I bite the bullet and buy a plane ticket.
One of those changes is my new little niece aka the super cute munchkin friend shown below:
This year my grandma also died and I felt like the combination of these things meant I really needed to come and be with my family.
It's been really nice to come back to traditions and familiarity. Now mind you, I've enjoyed learning about Christmas in my host country and been very thankful for the friends who have taken me in over holidays, but there's nothing like what you grew up with. Whilst away, my heart longed to bake cookies with mom and watch Rudolph while drinking hot chocolate and snuggling on the couch with my fam. And from the time of absence, this is all the more sweet this year.
In many ways, this cozy house in Michigan where my family has lived for the past 30 years (at least I think that's how long it is now) is home. It's where I've made all of these memories, it's the place that is continuously filled with family and love, etc etc. However, I've also been realizing over these last few days especially that it's changing rapidly without me there. Some of the changes have really startled me this holiday season as I am looking to steep myself into the traditions I remember and everyone else has seemed to realize the necessary changes before I was hit with the surprise of it all (like my one year old niece gets to put some of my favorite ornaments on our tree....what gives mom???). But for real, home is a rapidly changing thing and you don't realize that until you've stepped away for a while and then re-enter that picture after some time. It's easier to see growth and change when you're not growing and changing with it.
But that's not to say that my parent's house still doesn't feel like home....because it very much does.
But over the last few days, I've been very reminded that that is not my only home.
Back in Davao, where I live, tragedy has been striking over the last few days.
| One of the locations around the city where people who have been temporarily displaced from their homes due to flooding are staying |
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| A number of people climbing on a jeepney waiting for help |
If that weren't enough, a fire also broke out burning down a 4 story mall, trapping 37 inside and killing them.
As I've followed these stories from afar, scrolling Facebook searching for signs and getting message updates from friends, my heart has been breaking for my city. As I paced the floor this morning, coping with my jet lagginess I found my heart and prayers flying out to that home of mine and the people who are there. The people that are struggling right now as I'm cozying in with my family. I've already seen pictures of my friends lending a hand in flood clean up and relief and a part of me thinks I really should be there. I wish I wasn't away from my city in its time of need. Yet I see the posts of how we are "Davao strong" and "Dabawenyos will rally back, because we are a people of resilience" and I know that's true. And I've also found myself nodding like "Yeah, that is us. We will be okay."
And as I look back at that last paragraph, this is starting to explain where my dilemma of "home" comes in. I feel for "my city" and I feel the unity of us being "Davao strong". As I sit at my Michigan house, wrapped in blankets, my heart tears for my Filipino home that is wrapped in tragedy. And when I'm there, my heart often misses the ones I hold dear here. Over the last few days, I've been reminded more than ever that "home" is really both places. Home is here, but it's also there. And as some people have asked me "Aren't you glad to be home for now instead of over there?", I am starting to feel slightly offended. I'm glad to be in Michigan, but I'm also glad to be there. And this "home" concept you speak of....it's both.
Be keeping my city in your prayers as we continue to recover and rebuild.
And as I look back at that last paragraph, this is starting to explain where my dilemma of "home" comes in. I feel for "my city" and I feel the unity of us being "Davao strong". As I sit at my Michigan house, wrapped in blankets, my heart tears for my Filipino home that is wrapped in tragedy. And when I'm there, my heart often misses the ones I hold dear here. Over the last few days, I've been reminded more than ever that "home" is really both places. Home is here, but it's also there. And as some people have asked me "Aren't you glad to be home for now instead of over there?", I am starting to feel slightly offended. I'm glad to be in Michigan, but I'm also glad to be there. And this "home" concept you speak of....it's both.
Be keeping my city in your prayers as we continue to recover and rebuild.
And enjoy your holiday....I hope you find yourself at "home" wherever you might happen to be!
