Although growing up in a church, many who know my story know that my passion for God and His people did not erupt in my life until midway through my college career. It was at a place called Lake Ann Camp where my eyes were opened for the first time to people who lived out the crazy kind of faith that I saw on the pages of Scripture and I was enthralled. People actually lived out what they saw in the Bible? That was a thing? And for the first time, I sensed that this is right, this is the only way Christianity made sense, for people to take God at His word and deed and actually live out the things they say they believe. Many call this approach radical, but really what makes more sense? A group of people that come once a week to fill up their spiritual juice tank, and then live the other 6 days as if life is not affected by the God of the universe wanting to have a relationship with you? Even if not deliberately living in sin and trying to live good lives, the church is often filled with people who may profess faith and trust in God but structure their lives so they'll never need to exercise that. Instead their bank account, their infallible life plan, or anything else they have structured into their life just in case will take care of that. And that's not how God called His people to be. But it has become so common place in our American culture that when you see a group of people living differently you take notice. And thankfully, that's what I found at camp. And what I was reminded of this weekend was that's the kind of body I got adopted into at my church at school, the Church In Drive.
In my journey to becoming a missionary, one thing that you have learned in my previous blogs is that this is the season of raising support for me. That means I'm building a team of monthly and one-time supporters to take care of the needs I'll have in the Philippines. Because I'm receiving no salary, this is a way my life is structured on faith right now.
This past weekend I was in Saginaw and meet with many members of my church up there. My first meeting was with the pastor of it. Now let me first tell you about my church. We're a church plant that although has seen significant growth in the last 5 years or so since I've been there is still just a tiny church plant that lives in a store front. The congregation is composed of about 50 people on a good day. Many of these people are either in college or recent college grads so don't have much money either. But these are people who live incredibly by faith.
As I met with my pastor, before I could say much of anything or make any requests, he said "Look Kacie, I know the Church doesn't have much, but we've all been talking about it and as a Body we want to support you. It might not make sense with our budget right now, but God loves a generous giver, God calls us to take care of the Body and what God orders He provides for. We'll give until it hurts because God will not just let us flounder or suffer because we gave too much. You can't out give God." This statement of trust put an awe in my heart for this little church of mine. This little church that didn't really have enough money to hire a second babysitter so had left me in charge of about 8 or so kids on my own from time to time. The little church that I bring blankets to when we have a meeting there because we can't afford to heat the whole place thoroughly. A little church that says we don't need the best of everything, we just need to follow God hard. And I'm drooling over how awesome this little church is.
Because I've seen a lot of the flip side in this process too. I've seen a lot of people who appear to live very comfortable lives say they can't afford to give. I've seen churches say, "Supporting missionaries won't fit in our budget right now and doesn't really fit our mission. We've got to take care of the community." Don't get me wrong I really understand that and I'm not expecting every church I contact to support me and I really believe our local communities need to be won to Christ, but I think that the mentality behind these statements might be a little off. While I am aware of the necessity of planning and preparation, of budgeting and being deliberate, I also am aware that we have access to the unlimited Supplier. I am aware that the only time God tells us to test Him is in this exact manner.
"Will a man rob God? Yet you rob me. But you ask, 'How do we rob you?' In tithes and offerings. You are under a curse-the whole nation of you-because you are robbing me. Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this, says the Lord Almighty, and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing you will not have enough room for it." (Malachi 3:8-10)
It appears that in giving you can never give too much, because says when you give that's when He will bless you beyond abundance. I personally want to know every aspect of the Names of God. This includes getting to know Jehovah Jirah, "my God provides". It's beautiful seeing a church that lives that out and demonstrates that for me.
But this isn't meant to be a blog criticizing giving, because 1. I really am appreciative for everyone who gave as they decided in their heart was best, 2. I don't want to be manipulative and 3. After praying about it, maybe this isn't specifically where you're called to give. And that's okay.
What I do want to do through this blog is praise my little church, who lives out their commitment to Christ in more than just this way. As I met with other members, the general vibe was "I've already been advocating for you. Equip me with what I need to be better at this." or "Can I not only support you but share this with family members/people I work with/etc.?" These weren't people who were just excited for me, but knew that we are inseparably linked as part of one body. Romans 12:5 says, "so in Christ, we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others." Did you ever realize you belong to the other members of your church? Belong means to be the property of. The church is a place where I own you and you own me. Later in that Romans 12 chapter, Paul goes on to say "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves." Paul is saying, "We need to stop acting as individuals and looking out for our own needs and interests and start looking to the needs and interests of everyone around us first." And if everyone does that, you best believe someone's going to take care of yours too. And what we don't realize is this creates a freedom for us! A freedom from having to look out for Number One. And that's what a church is supposed to look like! This is what the early church, from back in Acts 2:42-47, where people were getting saved every day looked like! Have you ever stopped and wondered why we don't see as many conversions and miracles as the book of Acts, the book of early church history tells us about? I have. It's something that's deeply troubled me. And I'm convinced that along with a lack of faith, it's because we don't love each other and take care of each other in the way the Bible describes. In that "sacrificial, this doesn't make sense or benefit me at all" kind of way. But I'm here to tell you it's not impossible. I see individuals living it out. I see my church living it out. And I don't think it's any coincidence either that it's at this church I see more changed lives than at other places I've been. Because the power of believers loving one another in the way Jesus commanded us to is absolutely absurd, so much so it makes outsiders take note and eventually it makes them want this radically different life.
So today I'm thankful for my church. I'm thankful for this radical little group of believers that are an unstoppable force for God. And today I encourage you my reader to thank God for those people who radically live out that example of what faith is supposed to look like for you. And I also encourage you, if you're not someone living out that radical kind of faith for others to evaluate what changes God might be calling you to make to live more radically for Him.
Note: I know this is a post that might not be popular with my readers. I know some of the things in this might even be borderline offensive to some of the people I have talked to thus far. While this is not my intent, I do not wish to gloss over the full truth of Scripture and the way today's world and life does not match up to that. I am not ashamed of the Truth or the Gospel, and I am not afraid to say the hard things that need to be said. This is no personal attack to anyone or any church in particular, but just my general observations about things.
Monday, February 23, 2015
Monday, February 2, 2015
A Land Full of Giants
I'm almost a month into both student teaching now and support raising. So I guess a good question to you, my general public, is what does one do after "coming out of the missionary closet"? And I know my friends, you told me I should stop calling it that but......I couldn't resist this time ;)
Well, during the last few weeks I have started my support raising. I have been sending a round of letters, making calls/sending messages asking people for appointments, presenting to people about what I'm going to do and asking them to become a partner in what God is planning to do through me, and then put the process on repeat. Send out more letters, make more appointments, ask more people. It's really exhausting. And I've been debating at this very early point in my journey if I was going to use this blog to fully display what is going on in my heart and mind, or if I was going to gloss over that and just give you the positives and joys as I believe we too often in Christianity tend to do. Just praise, this is where I'm at, this is what God's doing, and ignore the messy. And I could do that because God has brought a lot of really positive and really cool things along in this journey. But I'll talk more about those later. Right now I believe God wants me to talk about the messy because as one of my favorite verses, 2nd Corinthians 4:7 says "But we hold these treasures in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not us." The more broken the jar, the more the light can shine through so I guess I'm going to work on being a broken jar so you all can see more of God's glory in this process.
Right now I'm a month in. I've set goals every month for an amount that I would raise of my monthly support for when I leave. Every month the amount I have to raise grows. My first amount was $100 a month. Praise God I was able to make that amount to round out January! But after working so hard every night and day between that and student teaching, my goals that keep increasing seem daunting. Like this month, my plan is to make $250. By April my plan is to add $400 of monthly support to my monthly team. And right now those numbers seem daunting. Because if I can work so hard this month and barely get $100 how in the world will I ever get to $400 a month? Or more importantly to my grand total that I need each month in my budget, $1500? $100 in, those numbers seem huge.
On top of that, my plan is falling apart. People that I expected for sure to join my monthly team have told me that they couldn't. People that have joined have joined for a lot less than I thought they would. (Not that I'm not grateful for them, I just learned my predictions of the ability people actually have to give started way off.) My simple little plan of I need to get these many people at these amounts has completely fell apart. My plan which had been so easily do-able by my own standards.
And I think that's why God has let my plan fall apart. Because He knows I could have easily done it in my own strength. And if I do it in my own strength, what glory would He get in the process? Instead God says, "Look now at these things that you can't do on your own. It's when I accomplish them, clearly not by your strength, that I will get the glory from it. I want to use these things to show My Strength so that you may know that I am Lord, the Almighty, the Provider."
Where I'm at now reminds me of David and Goliath. Goliath stood at a massive 10 feet tall. 10 stinkin' feet! David was at least 4 feet shorter. That's like a child standing on his shoulders would barely be Mr. Goliath's height. And this giant came out every day and taunted God's people, "Who are you to mess with me? You can't defeat me, just look at me, look at me. Give up, give up, give up."
And everyone saw that giant, and knew how impossible the situation was. Goliath was right. In their own strength, they could never stand against him.
But then there was David, who was probably a young teenager at the time. David heard Goliath's mocks but didn't listen to him. He didn't look at the giant as Goliath insisted he would. Instead he "fixed his eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith" (Hebrews 12:2). And because his eyes were on Jesus, it didn't matter how big the giant was. David knew His God was bigger. And maybe the other characters in the story thought, "Man if only Goliath was not so big we could do this." But David said, "Because Goliath is so big, people will know it is only by the Lord's strength that we could do this." David didn't see the challenge as a challenge but as an opportunity for God to show through.
This is the attitude I'm working on. I'm starting to say, "Shut up soul! Stop being so down about this all! Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and God." (Modified Psalm 42:11). I'm working on "fixing my eyes on Jesus" and not on my giants that I can not slay on my own. Prayers for me as I learn to do this and not rely on my own strength. And when I'm fully funded by the end of June, praise will be to God who clearly did this through His strong and mighty hand.
But here's what I've got for you, my dear friend. I don't know what giant you're facing right now. Maybe this semester is already looking to hard and overwhelming. Maybe things with your family are getting rough and you don't really know how everything will work itself out. Maybe money is getting tight and you don't know how you're going to make rent this next month. Stop looking at those giants. Stop running away from them. Face them head on, eyes fixed on Jesus so that when you come out of it victorious, it will be obvious to all that God is alive and working in our world and in your life. Because God is very alive and well, and He longs to work in your life.
Well, during the last few weeks I have started my support raising. I have been sending a round of letters, making calls/sending messages asking people for appointments, presenting to people about what I'm going to do and asking them to become a partner in what God is planning to do through me, and then put the process on repeat. Send out more letters, make more appointments, ask more people. It's really exhausting. And I've been debating at this very early point in my journey if I was going to use this blog to fully display what is going on in my heart and mind, or if I was going to gloss over that and just give you the positives and joys as I believe we too often in Christianity tend to do. Just praise, this is where I'm at, this is what God's doing, and ignore the messy. And I could do that because God has brought a lot of really positive and really cool things along in this journey. But I'll talk more about those later. Right now I believe God wants me to talk about the messy because as one of my favorite verses, 2nd Corinthians 4:7 says "But we hold these treasures in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not us." The more broken the jar, the more the light can shine through so I guess I'm going to work on being a broken jar so you all can see more of God's glory in this process.
Right now I'm a month in. I've set goals every month for an amount that I would raise of my monthly support for when I leave. Every month the amount I have to raise grows. My first amount was $100 a month. Praise God I was able to make that amount to round out January! But after working so hard every night and day between that and student teaching, my goals that keep increasing seem daunting. Like this month, my plan is to make $250. By April my plan is to add $400 of monthly support to my monthly team. And right now those numbers seem daunting. Because if I can work so hard this month and barely get $100 how in the world will I ever get to $400 a month? Or more importantly to my grand total that I need each month in my budget, $1500? $100 in, those numbers seem huge.
On top of that, my plan is falling apart. People that I expected for sure to join my monthly team have told me that they couldn't. People that have joined have joined for a lot less than I thought they would. (Not that I'm not grateful for them, I just learned my predictions of the ability people actually have to give started way off.) My simple little plan of I need to get these many people at these amounts has completely fell apart. My plan which had been so easily do-able by my own standards.
And I think that's why God has let my plan fall apart. Because He knows I could have easily done it in my own strength. And if I do it in my own strength, what glory would He get in the process? Instead God says, "Look now at these things that you can't do on your own. It's when I accomplish them, clearly not by your strength, that I will get the glory from it. I want to use these things to show My Strength so that you may know that I am Lord, the Almighty, the Provider."
Where I'm at now reminds me of David and Goliath. Goliath stood at a massive 10 feet tall. 10 stinkin' feet! David was at least 4 feet shorter. That's like a child standing on his shoulders would barely be Mr. Goliath's height. And this giant came out every day and taunted God's people, "Who are you to mess with me? You can't defeat me, just look at me, look at me. Give up, give up, give up."
And everyone saw that giant, and knew how impossible the situation was. Goliath was right. In their own strength, they could never stand against him.
But then there was David, who was probably a young teenager at the time. David heard Goliath's mocks but didn't listen to him. He didn't look at the giant as Goliath insisted he would. Instead he "fixed his eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith" (Hebrews 12:2). And because his eyes were on Jesus, it didn't matter how big the giant was. David knew His God was bigger. And maybe the other characters in the story thought, "Man if only Goliath was not so big we could do this." But David said, "Because Goliath is so big, people will know it is only by the Lord's strength that we could do this." David didn't see the challenge as a challenge but as an opportunity for God to show through.
This is the attitude I'm working on. I'm starting to say, "Shut up soul! Stop being so down about this all! Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and God." (Modified Psalm 42:11). I'm working on "fixing my eyes on Jesus" and not on my giants that I can not slay on my own. Prayers for me as I learn to do this and not rely on my own strength. And when I'm fully funded by the end of June, praise will be to God who clearly did this through His strong and mighty hand.
But here's what I've got for you, my dear friend. I don't know what giant you're facing right now. Maybe this semester is already looking to hard and overwhelming. Maybe things with your family are getting rough and you don't really know how everything will work itself out. Maybe money is getting tight and you don't know how you're going to make rent this next month. Stop looking at those giants. Stop running away from them. Face them head on, eyes fixed on Jesus so that when you come out of it victorious, it will be obvious to all that God is alive and working in our world and in your life. Because God is very alive and well, and He longs to work in your life.
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