I'm almost a month into both student teaching now and support raising. So I guess a good question to you, my general public, is what does one do after "coming out of the missionary closet"? And I know my friends, you told me I should stop calling it that but......I couldn't resist this time ;)
Well, during the last few weeks I have started my support raising. I have been sending a round of letters, making calls/sending messages asking people for appointments, presenting to people about what I'm going to do and asking them to become a partner in what God is planning to do through me, and then put the process on repeat. Send out more letters, make more appointments, ask more people. It's really exhausting. And I've been debating at this very early point in my journey if I was going to use this blog to fully display what is going on in my heart and mind, or if I was going to gloss over that and just give you the positives and joys as I believe we too often in Christianity tend to do. Just praise, this is where I'm at, this is what God's doing, and ignore the messy. And I could do that because God has brought a lot of really positive and really cool things along in this journey. But I'll talk more about those later. Right now I believe God wants me to talk about the messy because as one of my favorite verses, 2nd Corinthians 4:7 says "But we hold these treasures in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not us." The more broken the jar, the more the light can shine through so I guess I'm going to work on being a broken jar so you all can see more of God's glory in this process.
Right now I'm a month in. I've set goals every month for an amount that I would raise of my monthly support for when I leave. Every month the amount I have to raise grows. My first amount was $100 a month. Praise God I was able to make that amount to round out January! But after working so hard every night and day between that and student teaching, my goals that keep increasing seem daunting. Like this month, my plan is to make $250. By April my plan is to add $400 of monthly support to my monthly team. And right now those numbers seem daunting. Because if I can work so hard this month and barely get $100 how in the world will I ever get to $400 a month? Or more importantly to my grand total that I need each month in my budget, $1500? $100 in, those numbers seem huge.
On top of that, my plan is falling apart. People that I expected for sure to join my monthly team have told me that they couldn't. People that have joined have joined for a lot less than I thought they would. (Not that I'm not grateful for them, I just learned my predictions of the ability people actually have to give started way off.) My simple little plan of I need to get these many people at these amounts has completely fell apart. My plan which had been so easily do-able by my own standards.
And I think that's why God has let my plan fall apart. Because He knows I could have easily done it in my own strength. And if I do it in my own strength, what glory would He get in the process? Instead God says, "Look now at these things that you can't do on your own. It's when I accomplish them, clearly not by your strength, that I will get the glory from it. I want to use these things to show My Strength so that you may know that I am Lord, the Almighty, the Provider."
Where I'm at now reminds me of David and Goliath. Goliath stood at a massive 10 feet tall. 10 stinkin' feet! David was at least 4 feet shorter. That's like a child standing on his shoulders would barely be Mr. Goliath's height. And this giant came out every day and taunted God's people, "Who are you to mess with me? You can't defeat me, just look at me, look at me. Give up, give up, give up."
And everyone saw that giant, and knew how impossible the situation was. Goliath was right. In their own strength, they could never stand against him.
But then there was David, who was probably a young teenager at the time. David heard Goliath's mocks but didn't listen to him. He didn't look at the giant as Goliath insisted he would. Instead he "fixed his eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith" (Hebrews 12:2). And because his eyes were on Jesus, it didn't matter how big the giant was. David knew His God was bigger. And maybe the other characters in the story thought, "Man if only Goliath was not so big we could do this." But David said, "Because Goliath is so big, people will know it is only by the Lord's strength that we could do this." David didn't see the challenge as a challenge but as an opportunity for God to show through.
This is the attitude I'm working on. I'm starting to say, "Shut up soul! Stop being so down about this all! Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and God." (Modified Psalm 42:11). I'm working on "fixing my eyes on Jesus" and not on my giants that I can not slay on my own. Prayers for me as I learn to do this and not rely on my own strength. And when I'm fully funded by the end of June, praise will be to God who clearly did this through His strong and mighty hand.
But here's what I've got for you, my dear friend. I don't know what giant you're facing right now. Maybe this semester is already looking to hard and overwhelming. Maybe things with your family are getting rough and you don't really know how everything will work itself out. Maybe money is getting tight and you don't know how you're going to make rent this next month. Stop looking at those giants. Stop running away from them. Face them head on, eyes fixed on Jesus so that when you come out of it victorious, it will be obvious to all that God is alive and working in our world and in your life. Because God is very alive and well, and He longs to work in your life.
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