Although growing up in a church, many who know my story know that my passion for God and His people did not erupt in my life until midway through my college career. It was at a place called Lake Ann Camp where my eyes were opened for the first time to people who lived out the crazy kind of faith that I saw on the pages of Scripture and I was enthralled. People actually lived out what they saw in the Bible? That was a thing? And for the first time, I sensed that this is right, this is the only way Christianity made sense, for people to take God at His word and deed and actually live out the things they say they believe. Many call this approach radical, but really what makes more sense? A group of people that come once a week to fill up their spiritual juice tank, and then live the other 6 days as if life is not affected by the God of the universe wanting to have a relationship with you? Even if not deliberately living in sin and trying to live good lives, the church is often filled with people who may profess faith and trust in God but structure their lives so they'll never need to exercise that. Instead their bank account, their infallible life plan, or anything else they have structured into their life just in case will take care of that. And that's not how God called His people to be. But it has become so common place in our American culture that when you see a group of people living differently you take notice. And thankfully, that's what I found at camp. And what I was reminded of this weekend was that's the kind of body I got adopted into at my church at school, the Church In Drive.
In my journey to becoming a missionary, one thing that you have learned in my previous blogs is that this is the season of raising support for me. That means I'm building a team of monthly and one-time supporters to take care of the needs I'll have in the Philippines. Because I'm receiving no salary, this is a way my life is structured on faith right now.
This past weekend I was in Saginaw and meet with many members of my church up there. My first meeting was with the pastor of it. Now let me first tell you about my church. We're a church plant that although has seen significant growth in the last 5 years or so since I've been there is still just a tiny church plant that lives in a store front. The congregation is composed of about 50 people on a good day. Many of these people are either in college or recent college grads so don't have much money either. But these are people who live incredibly by faith.
As I met with my pastor, before I could say much of anything or make any requests, he said "Look Kacie, I know the Church doesn't have much, but we've all been talking about it and as a Body we want to support you. It might not make sense with our budget right now, but God loves a generous giver, God calls us to take care of the Body and what God orders He provides for. We'll give until it hurts because God will not just let us flounder or suffer because we gave too much. You can't out give God." This statement of trust put an awe in my heart for this little church of mine. This little church that didn't really have enough money to hire a second babysitter so had left me in charge of about 8 or so kids on my own from time to time. The little church that I bring blankets to when we have a meeting there because we can't afford to heat the whole place thoroughly. A little church that says we don't need the best of everything, we just need to follow God hard. And I'm drooling over how awesome this little church is.
Because I've seen a lot of the flip side in this process too. I've seen a lot of people who appear to live very comfortable lives say they can't afford to give. I've seen churches say, "Supporting missionaries won't fit in our budget right now and doesn't really fit our mission. We've got to take care of the community." Don't get me wrong I really understand that and I'm not expecting every church I contact to support me and I really believe our local communities need to be won to Christ, but I think that the mentality behind these statements might be a little off. While I am aware of the necessity of planning and preparation, of budgeting and being deliberate, I also am aware that we have access to the unlimited Supplier. I am aware that the only time God tells us to test Him is in this exact manner.
"Will a man rob God? Yet you rob me. But you ask, 'How do we rob you?' In tithes and offerings. You are under a curse-the whole nation of you-because you are robbing me. Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this, says the Lord Almighty, and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing you will not have enough room for it." (Malachi 3:8-10)
It appears that in giving you can never give too much, because says when you give that's when He will bless you beyond abundance. I personally want to know every aspect of the Names of God. This includes getting to know Jehovah Jirah, "my God provides". It's beautiful seeing a church that lives that out and demonstrates that for me.
But this isn't meant to be a blog criticizing giving, because 1. I really am appreciative for everyone who gave as they decided in their heart was best, 2. I don't want to be manipulative and 3. After praying about it, maybe this isn't specifically where you're called to give. And that's okay.
What I do want to do through this blog is praise my little church, who lives out their commitment to Christ in more than just this way. As I met with other members, the general vibe was "I've already been advocating for you. Equip me with what I need to be better at this." or "Can I not only support you but share this with family members/people I work with/etc.?" These weren't people who were just excited for me, but knew that we are inseparably linked as part of one body. Romans 12:5 says, "so in Christ, we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others." Did you ever realize you belong to the other members of your church? Belong means to be the property of. The church is a place where I own you and you own me. Later in that Romans 12 chapter, Paul goes on to say "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves." Paul is saying, "We need to stop acting as individuals and looking out for our own needs and interests and start looking to the needs and interests of everyone around us first." And if everyone does that, you best believe someone's going to take care of yours too. And what we don't realize is this creates a freedom for us! A freedom from having to look out for Number One. And that's what a church is supposed to look like! This is what the early church, from back in Acts 2:42-47, where people were getting saved every day looked like! Have you ever stopped and wondered why we don't see as many conversions and miracles as the book of Acts, the book of early church history tells us about? I have. It's something that's deeply troubled me. And I'm convinced that along with a lack of faith, it's because we don't love each other and take care of each other in the way the Bible describes. In that "sacrificial, this doesn't make sense or benefit me at all" kind of way. But I'm here to tell you it's not impossible. I see individuals living it out. I see my church living it out. And I don't think it's any coincidence either that it's at this church I see more changed lives than at other places I've been. Because the power of believers loving one another in the way Jesus commanded us to is absolutely absurd, so much so it makes outsiders take note and eventually it makes them want this radically different life.
So today I'm thankful for my church. I'm thankful for this radical little group of believers that are an unstoppable force for God. And today I encourage you my reader to thank God for those people who radically live out that example of what faith is supposed to look like for you. And I also encourage you, if you're not someone living out that radical kind of faith for others to evaluate what changes God might be calling you to make to live more radically for Him.
Note: I know this is a post that might not be popular with my readers. I know some of the things in this might even be borderline offensive to some of the people I have talked to thus far. While this is not my intent, I do not wish to gloss over the full truth of Scripture and the way today's world and life does not match up to that. I am not ashamed of the Truth or the Gospel, and I am not afraid to say the hard things that need to be said. This is no personal attack to anyone or any church in particular, but just my general observations about things.
Monday, February 23, 2015
Monday, February 2, 2015
A Land Full of Giants
I'm almost a month into both student teaching now and support raising. So I guess a good question to you, my general public, is what does one do after "coming out of the missionary closet"? And I know my friends, you told me I should stop calling it that but......I couldn't resist this time ;)
Well, during the last few weeks I have started my support raising. I have been sending a round of letters, making calls/sending messages asking people for appointments, presenting to people about what I'm going to do and asking them to become a partner in what God is planning to do through me, and then put the process on repeat. Send out more letters, make more appointments, ask more people. It's really exhausting. And I've been debating at this very early point in my journey if I was going to use this blog to fully display what is going on in my heart and mind, or if I was going to gloss over that and just give you the positives and joys as I believe we too often in Christianity tend to do. Just praise, this is where I'm at, this is what God's doing, and ignore the messy. And I could do that because God has brought a lot of really positive and really cool things along in this journey. But I'll talk more about those later. Right now I believe God wants me to talk about the messy because as one of my favorite verses, 2nd Corinthians 4:7 says "But we hold these treasures in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not us." The more broken the jar, the more the light can shine through so I guess I'm going to work on being a broken jar so you all can see more of God's glory in this process.
Right now I'm a month in. I've set goals every month for an amount that I would raise of my monthly support for when I leave. Every month the amount I have to raise grows. My first amount was $100 a month. Praise God I was able to make that amount to round out January! But after working so hard every night and day between that and student teaching, my goals that keep increasing seem daunting. Like this month, my plan is to make $250. By April my plan is to add $400 of monthly support to my monthly team. And right now those numbers seem daunting. Because if I can work so hard this month and barely get $100 how in the world will I ever get to $400 a month? Or more importantly to my grand total that I need each month in my budget, $1500? $100 in, those numbers seem huge.
On top of that, my plan is falling apart. People that I expected for sure to join my monthly team have told me that they couldn't. People that have joined have joined for a lot less than I thought they would. (Not that I'm not grateful for them, I just learned my predictions of the ability people actually have to give started way off.) My simple little plan of I need to get these many people at these amounts has completely fell apart. My plan which had been so easily do-able by my own standards.
And I think that's why God has let my plan fall apart. Because He knows I could have easily done it in my own strength. And if I do it in my own strength, what glory would He get in the process? Instead God says, "Look now at these things that you can't do on your own. It's when I accomplish them, clearly not by your strength, that I will get the glory from it. I want to use these things to show My Strength so that you may know that I am Lord, the Almighty, the Provider."
Where I'm at now reminds me of David and Goliath. Goliath stood at a massive 10 feet tall. 10 stinkin' feet! David was at least 4 feet shorter. That's like a child standing on his shoulders would barely be Mr. Goliath's height. And this giant came out every day and taunted God's people, "Who are you to mess with me? You can't defeat me, just look at me, look at me. Give up, give up, give up."
And everyone saw that giant, and knew how impossible the situation was. Goliath was right. In their own strength, they could never stand against him.
But then there was David, who was probably a young teenager at the time. David heard Goliath's mocks but didn't listen to him. He didn't look at the giant as Goliath insisted he would. Instead he "fixed his eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith" (Hebrews 12:2). And because his eyes were on Jesus, it didn't matter how big the giant was. David knew His God was bigger. And maybe the other characters in the story thought, "Man if only Goliath was not so big we could do this." But David said, "Because Goliath is so big, people will know it is only by the Lord's strength that we could do this." David didn't see the challenge as a challenge but as an opportunity for God to show through.
This is the attitude I'm working on. I'm starting to say, "Shut up soul! Stop being so down about this all! Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and God." (Modified Psalm 42:11). I'm working on "fixing my eyes on Jesus" and not on my giants that I can not slay on my own. Prayers for me as I learn to do this and not rely on my own strength. And when I'm fully funded by the end of June, praise will be to God who clearly did this through His strong and mighty hand.
But here's what I've got for you, my dear friend. I don't know what giant you're facing right now. Maybe this semester is already looking to hard and overwhelming. Maybe things with your family are getting rough and you don't really know how everything will work itself out. Maybe money is getting tight and you don't know how you're going to make rent this next month. Stop looking at those giants. Stop running away from them. Face them head on, eyes fixed on Jesus so that when you come out of it victorious, it will be obvious to all that God is alive and working in our world and in your life. Because God is very alive and well, and He longs to work in your life.
Well, during the last few weeks I have started my support raising. I have been sending a round of letters, making calls/sending messages asking people for appointments, presenting to people about what I'm going to do and asking them to become a partner in what God is planning to do through me, and then put the process on repeat. Send out more letters, make more appointments, ask more people. It's really exhausting. And I've been debating at this very early point in my journey if I was going to use this blog to fully display what is going on in my heart and mind, or if I was going to gloss over that and just give you the positives and joys as I believe we too often in Christianity tend to do. Just praise, this is where I'm at, this is what God's doing, and ignore the messy. And I could do that because God has brought a lot of really positive and really cool things along in this journey. But I'll talk more about those later. Right now I believe God wants me to talk about the messy because as one of my favorite verses, 2nd Corinthians 4:7 says "But we hold these treasures in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not us." The more broken the jar, the more the light can shine through so I guess I'm going to work on being a broken jar so you all can see more of God's glory in this process.
Right now I'm a month in. I've set goals every month for an amount that I would raise of my monthly support for when I leave. Every month the amount I have to raise grows. My first amount was $100 a month. Praise God I was able to make that amount to round out January! But after working so hard every night and day between that and student teaching, my goals that keep increasing seem daunting. Like this month, my plan is to make $250. By April my plan is to add $400 of monthly support to my monthly team. And right now those numbers seem daunting. Because if I can work so hard this month and barely get $100 how in the world will I ever get to $400 a month? Or more importantly to my grand total that I need each month in my budget, $1500? $100 in, those numbers seem huge.
On top of that, my plan is falling apart. People that I expected for sure to join my monthly team have told me that they couldn't. People that have joined have joined for a lot less than I thought they would. (Not that I'm not grateful for them, I just learned my predictions of the ability people actually have to give started way off.) My simple little plan of I need to get these many people at these amounts has completely fell apart. My plan which had been so easily do-able by my own standards.
And I think that's why God has let my plan fall apart. Because He knows I could have easily done it in my own strength. And if I do it in my own strength, what glory would He get in the process? Instead God says, "Look now at these things that you can't do on your own. It's when I accomplish them, clearly not by your strength, that I will get the glory from it. I want to use these things to show My Strength so that you may know that I am Lord, the Almighty, the Provider."
Where I'm at now reminds me of David and Goliath. Goliath stood at a massive 10 feet tall. 10 stinkin' feet! David was at least 4 feet shorter. That's like a child standing on his shoulders would barely be Mr. Goliath's height. And this giant came out every day and taunted God's people, "Who are you to mess with me? You can't defeat me, just look at me, look at me. Give up, give up, give up."
And everyone saw that giant, and knew how impossible the situation was. Goliath was right. In their own strength, they could never stand against him.
But then there was David, who was probably a young teenager at the time. David heard Goliath's mocks but didn't listen to him. He didn't look at the giant as Goliath insisted he would. Instead he "fixed his eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith" (Hebrews 12:2). And because his eyes were on Jesus, it didn't matter how big the giant was. David knew His God was bigger. And maybe the other characters in the story thought, "Man if only Goliath was not so big we could do this." But David said, "Because Goliath is so big, people will know it is only by the Lord's strength that we could do this." David didn't see the challenge as a challenge but as an opportunity for God to show through.
This is the attitude I'm working on. I'm starting to say, "Shut up soul! Stop being so down about this all! Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and God." (Modified Psalm 42:11). I'm working on "fixing my eyes on Jesus" and not on my giants that I can not slay on my own. Prayers for me as I learn to do this and not rely on my own strength. And when I'm fully funded by the end of June, praise will be to God who clearly did this through His strong and mighty hand.
But here's what I've got for you, my dear friend. I don't know what giant you're facing right now. Maybe this semester is already looking to hard and overwhelming. Maybe things with your family are getting rough and you don't really know how everything will work itself out. Maybe money is getting tight and you don't know how you're going to make rent this next month. Stop looking at those giants. Stop running away from them. Face them head on, eyes fixed on Jesus so that when you come out of it victorious, it will be obvious to all that God is alive and working in our world and in your life. Because God is very alive and well, and He longs to work in your life.
Sunday, January 11, 2015
How I became a Missionary: A Lost Canoe and an Epic Adventure
If you ask any of my friends, one of the things I'm best known for is my ridiculous stories. It's not just that I'm a gifted story-teller, but I genuinely have the most ridiculous things happen to me on a semi-regular basis. So if the story of how I became a missionary lacked one of those stories, well, we could probably assume that it wasn't actually my life. So here is my crazy story. It's how I got the courage and confidence to turn in my application.
It was mid-October. I had prayed up quite a bit at this point and was fairly certain God was calling me into missions. However I liken myself to Gideon at this point. I even think I recited his story back to God one time when I was praying: "You know God, I remember that guy Gideon of yours. He asked for that silly sign with the fleece and you did it to confirm his calling. You wouldn't mind throwing me a bone like that would you?" And this was one of those prayers although I meant, I didn't really know that God would answer. Because it seems too much to ask a sign of Him, the Almighty God of the Universe.
I was at a retreat at a camp with my college group, Standing in the Gap. We were having an hour of alone time with God. The night before I had really wanted to canoe and almost took a group to the middle of the lake but we couldn't find any paddles in the dark. This desire still burned into me so I decided I'd grab a canoe and meet God "upon the waters" if you will. I paddled all the way across to an island that was at the other side. It was windy and wavy and the journey was hard, but I had this determination. If God wanted me to work, I was going to work for Him. I'd strive, I'd labor as long as I could be close to His heart. Throughout this process, I found myself thinking even though the road to becoming a missionary would be a hard one, it would be worth it as long as I could be close to His heart. At the other side, I stopped. I read a Psalm. Then I decided to head back so I'd be back before the hour was up and people started worrying (since it's so much harder to predict travel time in canoe).
But more than ever, here is where my adventure really started. Remember the wind and the waves? Well, maybe on my way out I should have paid a little more attention to just how windy it was. As I tried to paddle back the wind was so strong, I could make no progress against it. After 20 minutes of relentless paddling, I was about 15 feet from where I started. My arms were already getting close to worn out, because of how hard I had to paddle. And I had about 90% left of the lake to go. Obviously it was time to revise my plan a little.
What I decided next was I would just paddle to the nearest shore. I would need to ditch the canoe but we could always walk around the lake and go back for it. And I would at least be able to follow the lake back to the camp. After a bit of struggling, I got to a dock by the shore. It was at this point I realized I had no rope to tie my canoe up. Okay, time to revise the plan again because I'm not losing a canoe on these people. Nearby I saw a pile of logs scattered in the water. I decided if I jammed the canoe in there it would at least not run away on me. So with my expert canoeing skills, I jammed it.
Unfortunately I was still about 10 feet from shore and I couldn't tell how deep the water was. Nor did I really want to wade in water anyway, since it was October in Michigan. It was then I noticed these weird fungus-y lily pads leading up to the shore. I have never seen something like it before and I doubt I will ever see something like them again. But God was providing for me that day. I stepped on each lily pad and although I sank a little, and sometimes I lost my footing and fell off, I got to shore a lot less wet than I could have been. It was during that ritual God spoke to my heart this message though, "Kacie, you say you want to adventure with me, but you forget something. It's my adventure. I get to define the terms. It won't always be pleasant or easy. But at least, we'll get to be together. But remember my adventure, my terms."
To recap, I was now exhausted from canoeing. I was almost wet up to my waist from wading through the lily pads. In front of me was one of the steepest hills I have ever seen. Seriously it was almost straight up. I had no idea, in my state, how I could ever climb it without just slipping and falling back into the lake. So I walked alongside it for a while, knowing eventually I would have to climb but looking for the ideal spot. All this time I was also having some pretty heavy, inner-dialogue with God going on. I was probably complaining more than I should, but I was also acknowledging how desperate I was for His help even in this next step. And marveling at some of the ways He had provided and lead me this far. It was as I was marveling that I saw quite the sight on the side of that hill. At one part, there were almost 20 fallen trees arranged in a perfectly linear fashion leading up the hill. Just like a staircase. So I went for it. I ran up this staircase and behind me these trees crumbled. I felt like Indiana Jones. But I know that staircase, those trees that had fallen, was something God had put there just to show me how He provides for me. God, the provider, gets another point. Which is good because going into missions one of the biggest things that could have stopped me was not trusting in God's provision.
I now started following the edge of the lake back to camp. From my understanding of lakes, I knew that as long as I followed the edge I wouldn't get lost. But then I hit it. Embedded on the side of the lake, which I couldn't see before, was about a 30 foot channel. There was no way I could cross it. I figured it maybe went just a little into the land and I could go around, but after searching there was no luck with that. So I began to ask God for help again. In my desperation, I started knocking on the doors of houses looking for directions at the very least. But alas, the whole area was filled with summer homes and being mid October, they were out of commission for the season.
Finally I saw them. A little old man and lady raking their yard. Thanking God, I went up to them the cold, shivering, wet pitiful mess I was and asked for directions on how to get to camp. The old man let out a little laugh as he told me it was about 8 miles to get to the bridge that connected the two sides. Eight miles! Thankfully he took one look up and down me before offering a ride. The man and I drove back in his truck. I shared with him my adventure, my predicament, and the things I had been thinking about that afternoon. But more importantly I was able to listen about his grandchildren, his life, his hopes and dreams. That ride became such a blessed part of the adventure. I had not only needed God's help that day, I had needed others to bless me with their generosity and God had put this man there for that purpose. I know the same thing is necessary in my ministry, but this reminds me it's a blessing from God for both of us and I need to allow the body to bless me and look to bless them in return. And something that was especially cool was his wife and him had only come up that weekend to close up the cabin for the winter. Talk about God's provision.
I had arrived safely back at camp. And seeing God's provision, His goodness, His faithfulness, and hearing without a shadow of a doubt His call, I knew I was now ready. To trust Him, to trust others, to bless and to be blessed. But most importantly to follow Him wherever He lead, even if that was into missions.
To my friends: Life with God is supposed to be an adventure. It's supposed to be exciting and real...and you're supposed to be in over your head at times. But there's great joy in doing that adventure with God, in following His voice where He calls, and even stepping out into the waters amongst the wind and waves as long as you're with Him. I pray we'd all learn to say as Moses did: "If Your presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here" (Exodus 33:15) and choose only to adventure with our Lord and Savior.
It was mid-October. I had prayed up quite a bit at this point and was fairly certain God was calling me into missions. However I liken myself to Gideon at this point. I even think I recited his story back to God one time when I was praying: "You know God, I remember that guy Gideon of yours. He asked for that silly sign with the fleece and you did it to confirm his calling. You wouldn't mind throwing me a bone like that would you?" And this was one of those prayers although I meant, I didn't really know that God would answer. Because it seems too much to ask a sign of Him, the Almighty God of the Universe.
I was at a retreat at a camp with my college group, Standing in the Gap. We were having an hour of alone time with God. The night before I had really wanted to canoe and almost took a group to the middle of the lake but we couldn't find any paddles in the dark. This desire still burned into me so I decided I'd grab a canoe and meet God "upon the waters" if you will. I paddled all the way across to an island that was at the other side. It was windy and wavy and the journey was hard, but I had this determination. If God wanted me to work, I was going to work for Him. I'd strive, I'd labor as long as I could be close to His heart. Throughout this process, I found myself thinking even though the road to becoming a missionary would be a hard one, it would be worth it as long as I could be close to His heart. At the other side, I stopped. I read a Psalm. Then I decided to head back so I'd be back before the hour was up and people started worrying (since it's so much harder to predict travel time in canoe).
But more than ever, here is where my adventure really started. Remember the wind and the waves? Well, maybe on my way out I should have paid a little more attention to just how windy it was. As I tried to paddle back the wind was so strong, I could make no progress against it. After 20 minutes of relentless paddling, I was about 15 feet from where I started. My arms were already getting close to worn out, because of how hard I had to paddle. And I had about 90% left of the lake to go. Obviously it was time to revise my plan a little.
What I decided next was I would just paddle to the nearest shore. I would need to ditch the canoe but we could always walk around the lake and go back for it. And I would at least be able to follow the lake back to the camp. After a bit of struggling, I got to a dock by the shore. It was at this point I realized I had no rope to tie my canoe up. Okay, time to revise the plan again because I'm not losing a canoe on these people. Nearby I saw a pile of logs scattered in the water. I decided if I jammed the canoe in there it would at least not run away on me. So with my expert canoeing skills, I jammed it.
Unfortunately I was still about 10 feet from shore and I couldn't tell how deep the water was. Nor did I really want to wade in water anyway, since it was October in Michigan. It was then I noticed these weird fungus-y lily pads leading up to the shore. I have never seen something like it before and I doubt I will ever see something like them again. But God was providing for me that day. I stepped on each lily pad and although I sank a little, and sometimes I lost my footing and fell off, I got to shore a lot less wet than I could have been. It was during that ritual God spoke to my heart this message though, "Kacie, you say you want to adventure with me, but you forget something. It's my adventure. I get to define the terms. It won't always be pleasant or easy. But at least, we'll get to be together. But remember my adventure, my terms."
To recap, I was now exhausted from canoeing. I was almost wet up to my waist from wading through the lily pads. In front of me was one of the steepest hills I have ever seen. Seriously it was almost straight up. I had no idea, in my state, how I could ever climb it without just slipping and falling back into the lake. So I walked alongside it for a while, knowing eventually I would have to climb but looking for the ideal spot. All this time I was also having some pretty heavy, inner-dialogue with God going on. I was probably complaining more than I should, but I was also acknowledging how desperate I was for His help even in this next step. And marveling at some of the ways He had provided and lead me this far. It was as I was marveling that I saw quite the sight on the side of that hill. At one part, there were almost 20 fallen trees arranged in a perfectly linear fashion leading up the hill. Just like a staircase. So I went for it. I ran up this staircase and behind me these trees crumbled. I felt like Indiana Jones. But I know that staircase, those trees that had fallen, was something God had put there just to show me how He provides for me. God, the provider, gets another point. Which is good because going into missions one of the biggest things that could have stopped me was not trusting in God's provision.
I now started following the edge of the lake back to camp. From my understanding of lakes, I knew that as long as I followed the edge I wouldn't get lost. But then I hit it. Embedded on the side of the lake, which I couldn't see before, was about a 30 foot channel. There was no way I could cross it. I figured it maybe went just a little into the land and I could go around, but after searching there was no luck with that. So I began to ask God for help again. In my desperation, I started knocking on the doors of houses looking for directions at the very least. But alas, the whole area was filled with summer homes and being mid October, they were out of commission for the season.
Finally I saw them. A little old man and lady raking their yard. Thanking God, I went up to them the cold, shivering, wet pitiful mess I was and asked for directions on how to get to camp. The old man let out a little laugh as he told me it was about 8 miles to get to the bridge that connected the two sides. Eight miles! Thankfully he took one look up and down me before offering a ride. The man and I drove back in his truck. I shared with him my adventure, my predicament, and the things I had been thinking about that afternoon. But more importantly I was able to listen about his grandchildren, his life, his hopes and dreams. That ride became such a blessed part of the adventure. I had not only needed God's help that day, I had needed others to bless me with their generosity and God had put this man there for that purpose. I know the same thing is necessary in my ministry, but this reminds me it's a blessing from God for both of us and I need to allow the body to bless me and look to bless them in return. And something that was especially cool was his wife and him had only come up that weekend to close up the cabin for the winter. Talk about God's provision.
I had arrived safely back at camp. And seeing God's provision, His goodness, His faithfulness, and hearing without a shadow of a doubt His call, I knew I was now ready. To trust Him, to trust others, to bless and to be blessed. But most importantly to follow Him wherever He lead, even if that was into missions.
To my friends: Life with God is supposed to be an adventure. It's supposed to be exciting and real...and you're supposed to be in over your head at times. But there's great joy in doing that adventure with God, in following His voice where He calls, and even stepping out into the waters amongst the wind and waves as long as you're with Him. I pray we'd all learn to say as Moses did: "If Your presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here" (Exodus 33:15) and choose only to adventure with our Lord and Savior.
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
How I became a Missionary: Following my Gut and God's Confirmation
I never planned on being a missionary. I mean until the last few years when I met a few real live ones, I didn't even think they came from real normal people. I figured God just kept some special ones on reserve like He used to with the Levites. And honestly if you told little freshman in college Kacie that she would have earned her degree to go work as a missionary in another country for free, she would have laughed at you. So how did I end up leaving college as a missionary teacher in the Philippines? Glad you asked. Here's where that story picks up (I started it in my blog post from the day before).
In the beginning of September, I was talking to one of my good camp friends on the phone. As we were discussing our futures that were soon dawning upon us as we both are approaching graduation in May, she mentioned to me that I might want to look into a mission organization called TeachBeyond. A friend of hers had recently gone to Africa through this mission agency. She explained that with my love for adventure, ministry and teaching this could be a cool opportunity. This idea intrigued me at the very least. To humor my friend I agreed to check it out.
I looked at the website but wasn't satisfied with the amount of information given to me. So I just sent a simple email inquiring for more information. When I got an overenthusiastic email back from a lady at the agency the next day, I was overwhelmed. They didn't just want to give me information, they wanted to recruit me right then and there! They even gave me a list of some schools that were looking for math teachers! This might seem really exciting to some, but for the commit-a-phob in me, I needed to back up. It felt like when you first meet someone and they're just too into you. But there was something about this agency that I really did seem to like as I learned more. And as I browsed websites of the potential schools the agency lady sent me, one in particular stood out to me. Faith Academy in the Philippines. For some reason the website just caught my eye and gave me this feeling as I looked at it. It's the only one I kept going back to. And the Philippines reminded me of Haiti, the place I had earlier decided I could live in someday. The Philippines is full of poverty, so I can help in practical ways, and is a tropical island, which is a definite plus for someone like me who can barely survive these cold Michigan winters. Yet I wasn't even sure that I wanted to be a missionary at this point.
So I prayed. I talked to those close to me to see what they thought. Although everyone had somewhat different ways of saying why, every single person that knew me well said that this sounds like exactly the sort of thing that I would want to do. I talked to my pastor. He said it sounded like and amazing opportunity, but gave me other opportunities to look into. So I started doing my research and homework. And prayed more. But as I looked into each opportunity, I noticed there was just not the same feeling when I looked at these agencies and volunteer opportunities. (Looking back I know that feeling was the Holy Spirit.) And realistically I still had my original plan that I could turn to: graduate and get a real job at a school here in the States. But as the weeks passed, I couldn't seem to imagine myself doing anything but working at this little school in the Philippines and teaching with this agency. The normal life I once dreamed of now started to seem like taking the easy way out.
It took a lot of courage to finally fill out my application, but that story is so long and so insane I figured it deserved a post of its own. (Stay tuned in the next few days for that epic adventure.) So let's skip ahead. I interviewed with the TeachBeyond, got accepted, and got my first email of a school expressing interest in an interview a few short days later. Faith Academy in the Philippines. This new email meant things were getting more real every moment. When I first got it, I freaked out. Although I knew how much I had liked this school, I knew that even more I wanted to be where God wanted me.
So I prayed if that's where God wanted me, He would give me peace about it. About 10 minutes after I prayed that, I got a message back from one of the girls on my prayer team saying that she was so excited that I had heard back from Faith. In fact, she said she had been to the Philippines a few years ago on a missions trip and they set up a medical clinic in that exact school and she raved on about how fantastic it was. Talk about confirmation. But God said, "No, child just wait. I have more." That week on Wednesday I was running a worship night that Standing in the Gap put on. I was advised after doing my part and kicking things off to just stand in the back and make sure everything was running smoothly. Yet 20 minutes in, I saw two girls relatively new to our group kind of just looking around. I felt the Holy Spirit nudging me to go talk to them. So I did. Eventually I saw the one girl's Bible which was thick papers and made some lame joke about how there was so much paper in there that she must be adding her own books to the Bible. She laughed, "No, these are just letters from the child I sponsor....in the Philippines." Oh, in the Philippines, interesting. In fact although none of these people knew my prospective plans, the Philippines came up in probably 5 different conversations in the week. And I don't know about you, but foreign countries rarely come up in my everyday conversations, let alone the same one over and over. By the end of the week, I knew that this was all God confirming in my ear that this was exactly where He wanted to be.
So I applied. I interviewed. I got the job. And now I'm on to the next part of the journey, the part that goes so beyond me: support-raising. This is the part that will stretch my faith, increase my need to rely on the body of believers (something Christ intends for all of us), and will really just be a journey of its own. I'd love for you all to join me on this journey so we can work together to expand God's kingdom around the world, learn to trust in God's provision, and learn to give ourselves fully and sacrificially to God's work. I want to learn with you, grow with you, bless you and allow you to bless me. I'll keep updates going through this blog and through monthly newsletters, and would love to contact each of you personally about how you can partner with me in this God-given journey. But mostly, I can't wait to see what the Lord does through us.
Ephesians 2:10 "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
In the beginning of September, I was talking to one of my good camp friends on the phone. As we were discussing our futures that were soon dawning upon us as we both are approaching graduation in May, she mentioned to me that I might want to look into a mission organization called TeachBeyond. A friend of hers had recently gone to Africa through this mission agency. She explained that with my love for adventure, ministry and teaching this could be a cool opportunity. This idea intrigued me at the very least. To humor my friend I agreed to check it out.
I looked at the website but wasn't satisfied with the amount of information given to me. So I just sent a simple email inquiring for more information. When I got an overenthusiastic email back from a lady at the agency the next day, I was overwhelmed. They didn't just want to give me information, they wanted to recruit me right then and there! They even gave me a list of some schools that were looking for math teachers! This might seem really exciting to some, but for the commit-a-phob in me, I needed to back up. It felt like when you first meet someone and they're just too into you. But there was something about this agency that I really did seem to like as I learned more. And as I browsed websites of the potential schools the agency lady sent me, one in particular stood out to me. Faith Academy in the Philippines. For some reason the website just caught my eye and gave me this feeling as I looked at it. It's the only one I kept going back to. And the Philippines reminded me of Haiti, the place I had earlier decided I could live in someday. The Philippines is full of poverty, so I can help in practical ways, and is a tropical island, which is a definite plus for someone like me who can barely survive these cold Michigan winters. Yet I wasn't even sure that I wanted to be a missionary at this point.
So I prayed. I talked to those close to me to see what they thought. Although everyone had somewhat different ways of saying why, every single person that knew me well said that this sounds like exactly the sort of thing that I would want to do. I talked to my pastor. He said it sounded like and amazing opportunity, but gave me other opportunities to look into. So I started doing my research and homework. And prayed more. But as I looked into each opportunity, I noticed there was just not the same feeling when I looked at these agencies and volunteer opportunities. (Looking back I know that feeling was the Holy Spirit.) And realistically I still had my original plan that I could turn to: graduate and get a real job at a school here in the States. But as the weeks passed, I couldn't seem to imagine myself doing anything but working at this little school in the Philippines and teaching with this agency. The normal life I once dreamed of now started to seem like taking the easy way out.
It took a lot of courage to finally fill out my application, but that story is so long and so insane I figured it deserved a post of its own. (Stay tuned in the next few days for that epic adventure.) So let's skip ahead. I interviewed with the TeachBeyond, got accepted, and got my first email of a school expressing interest in an interview a few short days later. Faith Academy in the Philippines. This new email meant things were getting more real every moment. When I first got it, I freaked out. Although I knew how much I had liked this school, I knew that even more I wanted to be where God wanted me.
So I prayed if that's where God wanted me, He would give me peace about it. About 10 minutes after I prayed that, I got a message back from one of the girls on my prayer team saying that she was so excited that I had heard back from Faith. In fact, she said she had been to the Philippines a few years ago on a missions trip and they set up a medical clinic in that exact school and she raved on about how fantastic it was. Talk about confirmation. But God said, "No, child just wait. I have more." That week on Wednesday I was running a worship night that Standing in the Gap put on. I was advised after doing my part and kicking things off to just stand in the back and make sure everything was running smoothly. Yet 20 minutes in, I saw two girls relatively new to our group kind of just looking around. I felt the Holy Spirit nudging me to go talk to them. So I did. Eventually I saw the one girl's Bible which was thick papers and made some lame joke about how there was so much paper in there that she must be adding her own books to the Bible. She laughed, "No, these are just letters from the child I sponsor....in the Philippines." Oh, in the Philippines, interesting. In fact although none of these people knew my prospective plans, the Philippines came up in probably 5 different conversations in the week. And I don't know about you, but foreign countries rarely come up in my everyday conversations, let alone the same one over and over. By the end of the week, I knew that this was all God confirming in my ear that this was exactly where He wanted to be.
So I applied. I interviewed. I got the job. And now I'm on to the next part of the journey, the part that goes so beyond me: support-raising. This is the part that will stretch my faith, increase my need to rely on the body of believers (something Christ intends for all of us), and will really just be a journey of its own. I'd love for you all to join me on this journey so we can work together to expand God's kingdom around the world, learn to trust in God's provision, and learn to give ourselves fully and sacrificially to God's work. I want to learn with you, grow with you, bless you and allow you to bless me. I'll keep updates going through this blog and through monthly newsletters, and would love to contact each of you personally about how you can partner with me in this God-given journey. But mostly, I can't wait to see what the Lord does through us.
Ephesians 2:10 "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
Monday, January 5, 2015
How I Was Called Into Missions: Seeds Planted Long Ago
First off surprise! I'm going to be a missionary! That's pretty neat!
If you haven't been kept updated and this has come completely out of the blue, my apologies, I've been keeping a lot of things on the DL for a while but I promise over the next few days I will divulge to you in a series of blogs my full story. Because never once did I expect to be a missionary.
Before I get too far let me explain a little about the work God has called me to do. I work with a mission agency called TeachBeyond. TeachBeyond specifically partners teachers with cooperating schools that serve primarily the children of missionaries. For more information on TeachBeyond, check out their website at www.teachbeyond.org. TeachBeyond helped partner me with Faith International Academy in Davao City (Philippines). I will be serving there primarily as a high school math teacher. For more information on Faith, check out their website at www.fia.edu.ph. Or instead of visiting those websites, just call/text/message me and I would love to explain things more in detail.
But what I would like to explain in detail is my call, because it's one of those things that has God's hand all over it and I just want to make sure He gets the credit and praise due to Him for the amazing way He has made this calling of mine evident to myself and those around me.
But first I want to take a step back and rewind. Because although I didn't know this until now, this journey really started 3 years ago. Three years ago I accepted a job at Lake Ann Camp as a counselor. At the time, it seemed just like a fun summer gig. I had no idea what I was getting into. I could rave and rant about how that summer forever changed my life and anyone who knew me before that summer and saw me again after that summer could testify to that fact. It was there that I first really fell in love with the Lord, saw how someone could even live out that relationship with Him in a way that goes so beyond Bible studies and Sundays, saw that my life had something to offer, and developed a passion for serving God and those around me. I could speak of that summer forever recounting how God revealed Himself to me and the stories of my precious campers and how each of them shaped my life in little and big ways. Ask me about it. Seriously there's almost nothing I love talking about more than my summers at camp. But there's one story that I had no idea how it impacted and shaped me until now and that's the one I want to share here.
It was week one, my first summer counseling. There was a constant awareness in my head of how much I didn't know, how much I didn't belong in this place with people that knew God so intimately when I felt like a spiritual baby in comparison. But here I was with five high school girls in my cabin. Who needed healing. Who needed love. Who had big dreams for God. One of those girls in particular really inspired me. We'll call her Shannon. Shannon shared with me her dream of going into the field of sports missions, a place where you could teach the principles of the Gospel through training others in sports camps. As she talked about it, my heart pounded with two thoughts. Firstly I sincerely hoped I could learn to love God as much as it was apparent she did and that my dreams for Him would become as big as hers. Secondly, I could use sports (which I love love love) as a way to serve God? Like this is something I could make a job of and explore the world with? That's so cool. Please tell me more. Shannon and I talked about this quite a bit that week and at the end, I told her if it was the Lord's plan, I'd go pave the way for her and someday we could work together at these sport missions camps. But while the idea seemed really neat, there was that reality in the back of my head that that was probably never really going to happen.
But for some reason, the idea has stuck with me for the last 3 years. I'd see Shannon return to camp each summer after and we'd still talk about it. But I knew that I belonged at the school I was at, not only serving in my campus ministry, but also studying to be a teacher. I knew that that position was something that God wanted to use. They were just two realities that seemed so inconsistent to me....until TeachBeyond came into the picture. Now I have the opportunity to put together my talent of teaching with discipling and missions, which I could not be more ecstatic about.
What blows my mind though is that this seed of a dream I never thought of before was planted 3 years before I even heard of TeachBeyond. God knew the time it would take for my heart to grow fond of this idea and how it needed to grow in me. So He put a camper in my cabin who had dreams that would later inspire mine. Because He's God and He does things like that.
But that's not where God quit planting seeds. Flashback to later that year (so 2 and 1/2 years ago) when I went on my first and only mission trip to Haiti. A group of my college friends and I went down over our spring break to help build a church. While we worked really hard each day, each night something happened that fascinated me. We lost electricity. So we'd light lanterns and enjoy telling each other stories, playing card games, and just being together. And anyone who knows me well knows how I hate the fast-paced, technology-consumed American way of life so this new possibility became fascinatingly beautiful to me. That there really did exist somewhere in the world that I could just leave and escape it all. But that wasn't what sold me. The event that sold me that I would someday love to return to Haiti or someplace like it was on the last day as we rode across the countryside in the back of a pickup. It was here that I saw a land 3 years after a tornado, with millions of people still displaced. And I knew that I wanted to go to places like that where I could help people in a physical way as well as teach them (because education is the key to improving any economy). But I had no idea how or if this would come about. But God did.
Now on the verge of being a missionary, I look back and smile at how God started planting seeds long before I had any interest in an idea like working at a school in the Philippines as a missionary. And without the planting of these little seeds, I would never have jumped on board with this new idea. But God slowly but surely tugged at my heart and planted ideas and dreams in my mind that were so unlike my own. I think that maybe those are the ideas and dreams that we need to pay extra special attention to. And what amazes me is how God starts a process in us long before we even know He's up to anything. Think of where you're at right now. What has God done to bring you to that point? Or how might He be planting seeds in your life now for ways in which He wants to use you?
If you haven't been kept updated and this has come completely out of the blue, my apologies, I've been keeping a lot of things on the DL for a while but I promise over the next few days I will divulge to you in a series of blogs my full story. Because never once did I expect to be a missionary.
Before I get too far let me explain a little about the work God has called me to do. I work with a mission agency called TeachBeyond. TeachBeyond specifically partners teachers with cooperating schools that serve primarily the children of missionaries. For more information on TeachBeyond, check out their website at www.teachbeyond.org. TeachBeyond helped partner me with Faith International Academy in Davao City (Philippines). I will be serving there primarily as a high school math teacher. For more information on Faith, check out their website at www.fia.edu.ph. Or instead of visiting those websites, just call/text/message me and I would love to explain things more in detail.
But what I would like to explain in detail is my call, because it's one of those things that has God's hand all over it and I just want to make sure He gets the credit and praise due to Him for the amazing way He has made this calling of mine evident to myself and those around me.
But first I want to take a step back and rewind. Because although I didn't know this until now, this journey really started 3 years ago. Three years ago I accepted a job at Lake Ann Camp as a counselor. At the time, it seemed just like a fun summer gig. I had no idea what I was getting into. I could rave and rant about how that summer forever changed my life and anyone who knew me before that summer and saw me again after that summer could testify to that fact. It was there that I first really fell in love with the Lord, saw how someone could even live out that relationship with Him in a way that goes so beyond Bible studies and Sundays, saw that my life had something to offer, and developed a passion for serving God and those around me. I could speak of that summer forever recounting how God revealed Himself to me and the stories of my precious campers and how each of them shaped my life in little and big ways. Ask me about it. Seriously there's almost nothing I love talking about more than my summers at camp. But there's one story that I had no idea how it impacted and shaped me until now and that's the one I want to share here.
It was week one, my first summer counseling. There was a constant awareness in my head of how much I didn't know, how much I didn't belong in this place with people that knew God so intimately when I felt like a spiritual baby in comparison. But here I was with five high school girls in my cabin. Who needed healing. Who needed love. Who had big dreams for God. One of those girls in particular really inspired me. We'll call her Shannon. Shannon shared with me her dream of going into the field of sports missions, a place where you could teach the principles of the Gospel through training others in sports camps. As she talked about it, my heart pounded with two thoughts. Firstly I sincerely hoped I could learn to love God as much as it was apparent she did and that my dreams for Him would become as big as hers. Secondly, I could use sports (which I love love love) as a way to serve God? Like this is something I could make a job of and explore the world with? That's so cool. Please tell me more. Shannon and I talked about this quite a bit that week and at the end, I told her if it was the Lord's plan, I'd go pave the way for her and someday we could work together at these sport missions camps. But while the idea seemed really neat, there was that reality in the back of my head that that was probably never really going to happen.
But for some reason, the idea has stuck with me for the last 3 years. I'd see Shannon return to camp each summer after and we'd still talk about it. But I knew that I belonged at the school I was at, not only serving in my campus ministry, but also studying to be a teacher. I knew that that position was something that God wanted to use. They were just two realities that seemed so inconsistent to me....until TeachBeyond came into the picture. Now I have the opportunity to put together my talent of teaching with discipling and missions, which I could not be more ecstatic about.
What blows my mind though is that this seed of a dream I never thought of before was planted 3 years before I even heard of TeachBeyond. God knew the time it would take for my heart to grow fond of this idea and how it needed to grow in me. So He put a camper in my cabin who had dreams that would later inspire mine. Because He's God and He does things like that.
But that's not where God quit planting seeds. Flashback to later that year (so 2 and 1/2 years ago) when I went on my first and only mission trip to Haiti. A group of my college friends and I went down over our spring break to help build a church. While we worked really hard each day, each night something happened that fascinated me. We lost electricity. So we'd light lanterns and enjoy telling each other stories, playing card games, and just being together. And anyone who knows me well knows how I hate the fast-paced, technology-consumed American way of life so this new possibility became fascinatingly beautiful to me. That there really did exist somewhere in the world that I could just leave and escape it all. But that wasn't what sold me. The event that sold me that I would someday love to return to Haiti or someplace like it was on the last day as we rode across the countryside in the back of a pickup. It was here that I saw a land 3 years after a tornado, with millions of people still displaced. And I knew that I wanted to go to places like that where I could help people in a physical way as well as teach them (because education is the key to improving any economy). But I had no idea how or if this would come about. But God did.
Now on the verge of being a missionary, I look back and smile at how God started planting seeds long before I had any interest in an idea like working at a school in the Philippines as a missionary. And without the planting of these little seeds, I would never have jumped on board with this new idea. But God slowly but surely tugged at my heart and planted ideas and dreams in my mind that were so unlike my own. I think that maybe those are the ideas and dreams that we need to pay extra special attention to. And what amazes me is how God starts a process in us long before we even know He's up to anything. Think of where you're at right now. What has God done to bring you to that point? Or how might He be planting seeds in your life now for ways in which He wants to use you?
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
Christ Came
This Christmas season, one fact has been severely blowing my mind more than it ever has before. This fact is simple. Christ came. Christ, the God of the Universe, the Alpha and Omega, the Holy One, the Ancient One of Israel, He put aside His right to rule, His authority, His heavenly home, His well-deserved glory so He could be with us. So He could be one of us. So He could be like us.
Now anyone who has spent enough time in church is like, "Yeah. How have you not known that before?" And it's not that I haven't known this fact. It's just at this point, it has a new comfort to me. That Jesus knows what it's like to be me. Psalm 139 tells us how intimately God knows us. He counts how many times we sit and rise, He knows what we're going to say before we say it, He knows every day we're ever going to live. He knows everything! But the fact that Jesus would say, "Dad I want to go and know what it's like to be them" brings a whole new level of understanding to the equation. God doesn't just know me, He gave up His righteousness to understand what it's like to be me.
This is especially comforting to me now. I'm on the edge of big life-changing decisions. I'm in this weird abyss between my life as a college student and my life as an adult. And sometimes it's hard to find someone who knows exactly how I feel and what's going on. But Jesus does. Jesus transitioned from being a carpenter to full-time ministry in His thirties. He understands transitions. He understands stepping out into the abyss and just trusting God in that. He probably understands how scary that can be. And Jesus knew going into that ministry how rejection from some was inevitable, just as I ponder how not all will always agree with my decisions about my life. So when I'm feeling alone, when I'm lonely and fearful, when I need strength and courage to trust God more, I can lean into the fact that Jesus understands.
And it's not just with these things in my life that Christ can relate. For instance, Joseph, the Earthly father of Jesus, doesn't show up much after the whole Christmas nativity stuff which churches and devotional books focus on ferociously at this time of year. So where is Joseph? Scholars theorize that Joseph either died early in Jesus's life or left them. So if you're struggling with the feelings of loss or abandonment, Jesus probably did too. He gets it.
If Jesus really wanted to, He could have came, lived a cozy but still perfect life on earth with few hardships, and still died as an acceptable sacrifice for our sins. But that's not what He chose. He wanted to walk in our shoes, to learn to relate and understand us better.
So Christ came. He was born a baby completely dependent on others to take care of Him. He grew up and went through awkward adolescent years, zits and all. He worked a secular job and glorified God in that. And then He made that tough transition to give up that security for public ministry where He was hated and mocked. But despite that, He still chose to die for our sins. So wherever you're at in life, Jesus has probably been there and He understands. This is one of the reasons this Christmas that I'm so thankful that little baby Jesus would come to the Earth and experience life like I do. Because I know that He gets me, and it's beautiful to be understood by my Savior.
Now anyone who has spent enough time in church is like, "Yeah. How have you not known that before?" And it's not that I haven't known this fact. It's just at this point, it has a new comfort to me. That Jesus knows what it's like to be me. Psalm 139 tells us how intimately God knows us. He counts how many times we sit and rise, He knows what we're going to say before we say it, He knows every day we're ever going to live. He knows everything! But the fact that Jesus would say, "Dad I want to go and know what it's like to be them" brings a whole new level of understanding to the equation. God doesn't just know me, He gave up His righteousness to understand what it's like to be me.
This is especially comforting to me now. I'm on the edge of big life-changing decisions. I'm in this weird abyss between my life as a college student and my life as an adult. And sometimes it's hard to find someone who knows exactly how I feel and what's going on. But Jesus does. Jesus transitioned from being a carpenter to full-time ministry in His thirties. He understands transitions. He understands stepping out into the abyss and just trusting God in that. He probably understands how scary that can be. And Jesus knew going into that ministry how rejection from some was inevitable, just as I ponder how not all will always agree with my decisions about my life. So when I'm feeling alone, when I'm lonely and fearful, when I need strength and courage to trust God more, I can lean into the fact that Jesus understands.
And it's not just with these things in my life that Christ can relate. For instance, Joseph, the Earthly father of Jesus, doesn't show up much after the whole Christmas nativity stuff which churches and devotional books focus on ferociously at this time of year. So where is Joseph? Scholars theorize that Joseph either died early in Jesus's life or left them. So if you're struggling with the feelings of loss or abandonment, Jesus probably did too. He gets it.
If Jesus really wanted to, He could have came, lived a cozy but still perfect life on earth with few hardships, and still died as an acceptable sacrifice for our sins. But that's not what He chose. He wanted to walk in our shoes, to learn to relate and understand us better.
So Christ came. He was born a baby completely dependent on others to take care of Him. He grew up and went through awkward adolescent years, zits and all. He worked a secular job and glorified God in that. And then He made that tough transition to give up that security for public ministry where He was hated and mocked. But despite that, He still chose to die for our sins. So wherever you're at in life, Jesus has probably been there and He understands. This is one of the reasons this Christmas that I'm so thankful that little baby Jesus would come to the Earth and experience life like I do. Because I know that He gets me, and it's beautiful to be understood by my Savior.
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
To die is gain?
The other night, I went night geocaching with some friends. It was rather late and we were walking through a wooded area that was not well lit up. Early in our excursion, we saw a light coming towards us. Yet we couldn't see the source and that as you might imagine was terrifying. It wasn't until this light past us, that we saw it was just a man innocently running by. For the rest of the time however, my friends were especially on edge as the woods had a new eerie feeling and the idea that we weren't alone seemed to lie around every corner.
During this time, I was having a conversation with one of the girls about being a fighter vs. being a flighter. I told her if we met a scary murderer in the woods, the rest of them should just run and I would fight him off for us. Some of this comes from me thinking I'm tougher than I really am, some of it is just the fact in my very core I'm a protector, but as we were talking another interesting realization occurred to me. Part of it is that dying doesn't frighten me. I no longer believe dying is the bad thing that I once thought it to be.
This of course sparked an interesting conversation between my friend and I starting with the question, "So do you want to die?" (I'm sure that some of this question lies behind a concern that maybe me saying that death wasn't so bad meant I was slightly suicidal which I promise I'm not.) And it has taken me a really long time to get to answer like this but it truly is yes and no. But a guy named Paul puts my thoughts on the issue in much better words than I do:
"For me to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body." (Philippians 1:21-24)
When I first ran into these words and gave them serious consideration, I was under the impression that this Paul guy probably just had a sucky life. Because if his life was even remotely good, why in the world would he want to die? And I knew this must be a somewhat godly attitude at least by its mere presence in the Bible, but getting to a place that I thought that death would be a good thing just seemed totally foreign and out of reach to me. And I think that's how most Christians feel about verses like this. But as our love for Christs grows in us my friends that's not how it should be. Let me explain some of my thoughts that led to this transformation of attitude.
One of the most common arguments on why we don't want to die is more of a "not yet" excuse on our parts. Such as "I don't want to die because I want to finish college/get married/have kids/reach my career goal/fill in your own blank first." This is the "there's more to life that I want to experience" philosophy. And you know what, there's more to life that I want to experience as well. But it doesn't actually matter to me if I get to experience it or die first. Because if these experiences are really good things, why would death separate me from them? Would my good and loving God really let me get to heaven and take away from me good things? Or to use the words of Paul again, "He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all-how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?" (Romans 8:32). This promise is surely not just for life, but tenfold more in heaven! God is bringing in a new heaven and a new earth and behold it will be better! "For the creation was subjected to frustration...in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God." (Romans 8:20-21). God's not destroying and taking away the awesome beauty of the things He created that we enjoy on Earth, but He's purifying them and making them better for us! Sunsets? There but better. The tropical islands I've always wanted to go to? There but better. Puppies? Try there but on steroids with their love and playfulness. God gives good things my friends, He doesn't take them away! So why wouldn't death be better?
On top of that though, there is such an advantage to death that we, as Christians, will never have in life. It's the intimacy we will get to have with seeing and walking with Christ face to face. Imagine you were going away on a trip and you're married or have a significant other and they can't go. During this trip, you can talk to them on the phone, you can write letters, but it's just not the same. Your heart longs to be with them face to face, to be held by them, to be able to look into their eyes and see that love they have for you. Shouldn't your heart also long to be in the presence in Your Savior and Love in that way? Mine does. It took a lot of discovering in my heart of hearts of God's intimate love and passion for me to get my heart there, but some days I just find my heart longing to have that face to face time, snuggling with Jesus. I can't wait until I can be with Him like that. To take walks with Him. To be able to make Him dinner and enjoy His company over that meal. To stargaze with Him as He shows me the galaxies and tells me the names of the stars. To just be with Him. My heart longs for this so much, doesn't anyone else's?
Additionally, it will be so good to finally be done with sin. To have that bondage broken once and forever. Because on Earth, I am so aware of how I mess up. Of how I struggle. And I'm so sick of doing things that are displeasing to God but I often can't help myself. And on this side of heaven, we'll all struggle. But Jesus promises to take those who love Him and perfect them. In Revelation 21, Jesus leaves us with the promise "Behold I am making all things new!" and He tells us of a place where "There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Deep down in my heart of hearts, I long for this place, this perfection and I know that in this world I am incapable of achieving it. But I know in the next world, Jesus is giving that to me as a gift. And I find myself growing impatient some days as I wait to receive it.
One thing does make me sad to die though. It's all the people that I know won't be in heaven with me. It's the friends I hold so dearly, but don't know Christ as their Savior. That's why as Paul said being here needs to be fruitful labor to me. Because while I'm here, I need to do everything I can to change that. And some days, I suck at that but when I think of that last day that will be the only thing I would have wished I had the chance to do in life before I was gone. To reach down and grab more people to take with me on that journey to be with my Lord. And if anyone else feels this way, go do something about it. Today I am and I pray that until death I will.
During this time, I was having a conversation with one of the girls about being a fighter vs. being a flighter. I told her if we met a scary murderer in the woods, the rest of them should just run and I would fight him off for us. Some of this comes from me thinking I'm tougher than I really am, some of it is just the fact in my very core I'm a protector, but as we were talking another interesting realization occurred to me. Part of it is that dying doesn't frighten me. I no longer believe dying is the bad thing that I once thought it to be.
This of course sparked an interesting conversation between my friend and I starting with the question, "So do you want to die?" (I'm sure that some of this question lies behind a concern that maybe me saying that death wasn't so bad meant I was slightly suicidal which I promise I'm not.) And it has taken me a really long time to get to answer like this but it truly is yes and no. But a guy named Paul puts my thoughts on the issue in much better words than I do:
"For me to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body." (Philippians 1:21-24)
When I first ran into these words and gave them serious consideration, I was under the impression that this Paul guy probably just had a sucky life. Because if his life was even remotely good, why in the world would he want to die? And I knew this must be a somewhat godly attitude at least by its mere presence in the Bible, but getting to a place that I thought that death would be a good thing just seemed totally foreign and out of reach to me. And I think that's how most Christians feel about verses like this. But as our love for Christs grows in us my friends that's not how it should be. Let me explain some of my thoughts that led to this transformation of attitude.
One of the most common arguments on why we don't want to die is more of a "not yet" excuse on our parts. Such as "I don't want to die because I want to finish college/get married/have kids/reach my career goal/fill in your own blank first." This is the "there's more to life that I want to experience" philosophy. And you know what, there's more to life that I want to experience as well. But it doesn't actually matter to me if I get to experience it or die first. Because if these experiences are really good things, why would death separate me from them? Would my good and loving God really let me get to heaven and take away from me good things? Or to use the words of Paul again, "He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all-how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?" (Romans 8:32). This promise is surely not just for life, but tenfold more in heaven! God is bringing in a new heaven and a new earth and behold it will be better! "For the creation was subjected to frustration...in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God." (Romans 8:20-21). God's not destroying and taking away the awesome beauty of the things He created that we enjoy on Earth, but He's purifying them and making them better for us! Sunsets? There but better. The tropical islands I've always wanted to go to? There but better. Puppies? Try there but on steroids with their love and playfulness. God gives good things my friends, He doesn't take them away! So why wouldn't death be better?
On top of that though, there is such an advantage to death that we, as Christians, will never have in life. It's the intimacy we will get to have with seeing and walking with Christ face to face. Imagine you were going away on a trip and you're married or have a significant other and they can't go. During this trip, you can talk to them on the phone, you can write letters, but it's just not the same. Your heart longs to be with them face to face, to be held by them, to be able to look into their eyes and see that love they have for you. Shouldn't your heart also long to be in the presence in Your Savior and Love in that way? Mine does. It took a lot of discovering in my heart of hearts of God's intimate love and passion for me to get my heart there, but some days I just find my heart longing to have that face to face time, snuggling with Jesus. I can't wait until I can be with Him like that. To take walks with Him. To be able to make Him dinner and enjoy His company over that meal. To stargaze with Him as He shows me the galaxies and tells me the names of the stars. To just be with Him. My heart longs for this so much, doesn't anyone else's?
Additionally, it will be so good to finally be done with sin. To have that bondage broken once and forever. Because on Earth, I am so aware of how I mess up. Of how I struggle. And I'm so sick of doing things that are displeasing to God but I often can't help myself. And on this side of heaven, we'll all struggle. But Jesus promises to take those who love Him and perfect them. In Revelation 21, Jesus leaves us with the promise "Behold I am making all things new!" and He tells us of a place where "There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Deep down in my heart of hearts, I long for this place, this perfection and I know that in this world I am incapable of achieving it. But I know in the next world, Jesus is giving that to me as a gift. And I find myself growing impatient some days as I wait to receive it.
One thing does make me sad to die though. It's all the people that I know won't be in heaven with me. It's the friends I hold so dearly, but don't know Christ as their Savior. That's why as Paul said being here needs to be fruitful labor to me. Because while I'm here, I need to do everything I can to change that. And some days, I suck at that but when I think of that last day that will be the only thing I would have wished I had the chance to do in life before I was gone. To reach down and grab more people to take with me on that journey to be with my Lord. And if anyone else feels this way, go do something about it. Today I am and I pray that until death I will.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)