A People of Celebration

So this week has been the Kadayawan festival in Davao. Kadayawan is a festival celebrating life, the bounty of the harvest, and in general just how good life has been to these people. It is a holiday celebrated generally by the people groups of the foothills of Mt. Apo, many which believe still in nature being the gods. However in the city, it's just a really fun time that everyone gathers together to celebrate.

One thing that I've noticed since being here is that the Filipino culture is one that is semi-lost to its Western feel. When you wander the malls, you are sure to see KFC, McDonald's, Pizza Hut, and a few American stores like PayLess or Aeropostale. So many people are impressed when they speak to us just because we come from America (which makes my heart a little sad). I think there are a lot of roots left from a time when the States had a presence of troops here (I think it was right after WWII but my history senses are never that good).  Anyways especially here in the city, I feel sad because I know how much of their culture is lost. Kadayawan was a great experience then to see them claiming back their culture and celebrating who they are as a people.

Despite my feelings of the loss of a surface culture, in the very essence of who these people are, they are very different than Americans. The one thing that I realized I appreciated and could learn from today is their joy of life and willingness to celebrate. The streets today were FILLED with people ready to see the festival. Whenever there is an event going on in the center of a mall (aka every day), it's always got the feel of a large party.....even when the event is just a Clash of the Clans tournament or Zumba. When they eat dinner together, the food is secondary to enjoying the company of those around them. Efficiency may not be a thing here, but relationship and celebration permeates every bit of life.

I try not to compare my two cultures and attribute one as good and the other as bad in the way it does things because that can be tempting when it's so different. But I am trying to learn the most I can from the way my new world does things and trying to take what I like and leave what I don't to blend with the culture I already have. One thing I definitely think I need to take from these people is a lesson on celebrating. I love to enjoy life, but often only when my to-do list is short. When there's not more important things I should be doing. When it doesn't interfere with the important things.

But I'm starting to think maybe celebrating is one of the important things. And I think God thinks that too. After all, these God commanded the people to have like 7 festivals a year. Parties celebrating God's own goodness. David, the man after God's own heart, danced in his underwear in the street. Jesus rode a donkey in a parade. It seems like God is all about the celebration life. And because of what God has done for us, where He has brought us, why shouldn't we celebrate? God has given us new life, and life to the full at that!! (John 10:10). He's delivered us from serving the harsh master of darkness and brought us to become sons of the King! (Ephesians 2). I'm not defined by my past and my future is secure. What is there not to celebrate??

Our celebrating brings glory to God. It points back the finger to heaven and says, "Man, God really has been good to us!" And when people see us celebrating, it invites them in. It beckons them to also "taste and see that the Lord is good!" Yes, we have schedules, to-do lists, and the demands of life pressing in on every side. But the God who has it all covered says, "Don't worry about it kiddo. Enjoy Me and celebrate My goodness today." I'm just praying we'll all learn to be a people of celebration today.

These kids had a lot of fun taking pictures with us. It was really cool to tell them "No, we're not the pretty ones, you're so beautiful today!"

 

My house is on fire!....(and other ways I know God is sovereign)

About 3 weeks ago, I got on a jet plane and headed away from my home in Michigan. After over a full day of travel, I landed in Davao.  Thankfully I was able to catch a few good pics before touching done. If you want more of the pictures, you can check out my Facebook page but this was one of my favorites. 

 For the last 3 weeks, it feels like life has been moving at an incredibly quick pace as everything in my life is brand new and I need to learn it all. I need to learn how to make friends again (and with people of all different ages and incredibly different background experiences). I need to learn how to interact with students in a new way (because these students are wayyyyyy different than the ones I had for student teaching). I need to learn how to shop for things to fill a home in a different country (because in America, you don't need that extra bucket to keep water for when the water to your neighborhood runs out). I need to learn how to successfully navigate the complexities of public transportation (because some Jeepneys will take you to the mall, but don't go back the same direction from the mall. How they ever start in your neighborhood when they never seem to return there, no one knows.). Anyways it's been massive amounts of learning and adjusting to everything being new.

This is a jeepney by the way. They're old trasnport vehicles from WWII and are the cheapest way to get around town. 

And in the last few weeks as I've been adjusting to the newness of everything in my life, there is one truth that I've recently been unable to ignore. God is sovereign. He is in control. And even though I'm oceans away from everything I once knew and many of the people I love, God is here with me. And now I shall share a few ways in which I am reminded and know this. 

It was this last Thursday night. I was exhausted from a long day at school and what had in general been a really long-feeling week, so I decided before I got any work done that night I was going to take a nap and make some pancakes. Because what could be better after a long day than a nap and breakfast for dinner? As I woke up groggily from my nap, my roommate was just coming home from volleyball practice. So we were chatting from different rooms as I started to gather the things necessary to make pancakes on our friend's one burner stovetop that we were borrowing. I mixed the mix, turned on the gas, turned the switch to light the burner....and BOOM! FLAMES EVERYWHERE! My face was probably no more than 2 inches away from a massive explosion of firey terror. By reaction, I jumped back but then stood there absolutely paralyzed by the shock of it all. Luckily my roommate noticed the entire room I was in turn to a red glow and jumped to action finding a fire extinguisher and putting the fire out. But there are a couple elements to this story which make it incredibly obvious that it was the Lord's protection over us that day:

• My roommate was able to grab a fire extinguisher. As I shared this story with some of my coworkers the next day they made this interesting point I would never have looked at: Filipino homes don't have fire extinguishers. Most said they didn't have one in their own homes and that they couldn't recall houses they had been in that ever had them. As they brought this up, my brain recalled our time of house hunting. In no other house we looked at do I remember seeing a fire extinguisher. It was by God's grace that we happened to have one, because if our home was a typical home we would not have.
• My roommate was home. If I had slept longer, she would have been back to school to finish some work that night. If I had woken up earlier, she would have been at volleyball practice. The fact that someone was home and able to put the fire out was more than sheer luck. 
• Nothing was damaged or burned. The burner was sitting on a wooden table. Wood is super flammable, but there was not even a burn mark. Nor was there a burn mark on the wall. Nor did any of our large accumulation of CARDBOARD boxes (aka the thing I throw into a fire when I need to cheat to start one because it's so incredibly flammable) that rested less than a foot from the stove catch the flame. This was nothing short of miraculous. In every logical sense, the house should have burned down in flames, I should be covered in burns because I was so close that it singed away a little of my hair, and nothing should be okay. But there's no damage. At all. To anything. Except my roommate's trust of me cooking or using appliances without supervision. 

#thankfulforfriendship

My roomie and I

The amount of "coincidences" that were clearly at work that night was such a huge reminder that God is here fighting for me. On the good days, the bad days, the days that my house catches on fire and every day in between. And this has started gearing my brain to look for His protection and sovereignty in the other aspects of my life now: Like how God went before and picked out the person who I'd be living with, which was just a random person that my principle put me in contact with, but has turned out to be a great friend and encouragement during this crazy time of transition. We also have a set of other roommate friends that we go on "roommate double dates" with, and it's crazy because there was a time when various variations of us had been discussing being roommates with each other but  we ended up where we ended up adn they're a pretty perfect pair for each other too. It seems God did not leave that as much to randomness and chance as I once thought He did.

And being able to see that God did not leave these things to chance helps me to trust that He's not leaving the other things in my life to chance. I'm teaching the random assortment of classes that I'm mostly not qualified for right now for a reason. I'm teaching the students that are in my classes right now, because God has BIG plans for using me in their lives and them in mine. I live in a country where I stick out like a sore thumb, because God has brought me here with purpose. And even when I can't see the reason or purpose behind what He's doing, I can trust that He can. And that His plans really are working out for my good (Romans 8:28).

I don't know where your life is right now. I don't know what circumstances are making you wonder if God knows about them or is in control of them. But take heart friend! He is in control and has known way before they occurred. God also has that advantage of seeing the whole picture in a way that we are unable to see. And He says to us, "I'm working things out for your good and for my glory, my child." So choose to praise Him and trust the goodness that is central to His character.







Side note with some ministry updates:

• Praise that we've found a place to live! It's nice. It takes a minute to walk to and from school and we can't wait to use that house to bless others with!
• Praise also that we've had a pretty fantastic and smooth start to the school year! My students are pretty much the bomb.com and I've had a lot of fun getting to know them so far. 
• Prayers as I'm still overwhelmed with the work of being a new teacher and especially with teaching some classes I have absolutely no training in. I just want to be a good teacher for these kids and only through God's grace will I do the kind of job these kids deserve.
• Prayers also as I hope to find ways to be a blessing to the community around me. I don't know exactly what kind of opportunities or ministries God has prepared for me, but I'm eager to find out and start serving more. 

And also if you're really interested in partnering with this ministry, I never reached the full 100% goal of my fundraising target so you can still help financially support me by going to give.teachbeyond.org, choosing a giving option and putting my name in the project field. And major thank you to everyone who is giving to this ministry and praying for the things I'm doing here, you guys are the best and I couldn't be doing what I'm currently doing without ya'll! 

An Open Letter of a Missionary about to Head Into the Field

Dear Friends,

The time is here. It's almost time for my departure. For two whole years. Which when you look at it as a percentage of my total time on earth seems minuscule.  But at the same time, it seems enormous. And life-changing. It feels like I'm getting on that airplane to a distant world, a people I don't know and leaving behind everything I know and love forever (maybe my imagination has a tendency to flare towards the dramatic). And there's a few things I want you to know, both for my sake and yours, as I step on that plane and spend my first few months in the field.

First I love you all dearly and wish I could be with you. My heart really yearns here to be in two places at once. I want desperately to be where God has called me to be, but at the same time my heart longs to be with you. Over the next two years, I will miss a lot. I will miss the good: weddings, births, random late-night shenanigans that will bond you my friends closer. I will miss the growth of you as people and of the growth of things I love. Like the campus ministry organization which stood a full 20 people strong on a good day when I started 5 years ago, and this year will take on almost that many on leadership to accommodate our rapid growth. (Might I say Gappers, I'm so so so stoked to hear about the things you are doing on campus while I'm away! Please, please tell me!! I desire so greatly to celebrate with you still!) I'll miss the not-so-good things that I wish I could walk through with you: the break-ups, the terrible family news, the stressful days. And my heart is already leaping out of my chest wanting so desperately to be there for you. So for the good and the bad friends, I'm sorry I'll miss it. Keep me up to date and I'll work on loving you as well as I can from a far. And know that it hurts me just as much as it hurts you that I can't be there for it all.

Secondly, as I leave you I'll need you as much or more than ever. I'll need all the encouragement and prayers from you that I can possibly get. As I transition, some days my missing of all of you will get the best of me. Learning a new culture will be both exciting and exhausting. I was told that while adjusting some days it will be enough to just learn how to successfully navigate through the store and buy a gallon of milk before getting exhausted from trying to navigate all the change and that's okay. On top of that, this is my first ever "big girl job". The first time I'll have a classroom all as my own, which is also both exciting and terrifying because of all the potential that it holds both good and bad. On top of all this, the term "missionary" still toys with me at times revealing areas deep within where I feel inadequate and unworthy. So that means that I'll need a lot of encouragement to start. Encourage me that I'm right where I'm supposed to be, that you're still there and still love me (which is harder to remember when people aren't right there with you), and that God is still good and in control. Don't underestimate how much this might mean to me throughout this journey.

And on the note of adjusting to a new culture, know that our lives are going to start being shaped in very different ways. We all experienced this slightly after high school graduation, but when a friend moves away, your experiences start to become different. This will often cause a drift as you share less common ground. I fear this happening with many of friendships back home but on a more drastic scale because of the magnitude of difference between our experiences. What I'm going to try to do to beat this is listen actively and with empathy for each of you as you share with me what life is becoming. I urge you to listen in the same way with me. I've already felt isolated at times as I tried to express what was going on: my fears, my celebrations, my expectations and experiences preparing for this and all I received in return was blank stares or "Oh, that's nice/sucky/(insert emotion)." It's going to be a lot more effort, but please try to listen in a way to understand me. I really do want to share this part of my life with you too.

Also give me some extra grace. Trying to live fully in a new world while loving the old from far away will be really difficult. I will not likely reach out as much as you may think I should. It's not that I want to totally leave this life behind, but I want to be able to be fully there in my new life too. It's going to be really tricky to balance the two things so give me a lot of extra grace and patience as I try to figure out how that works.

Finally I'm excited to be sharing with you in advancing God's kingdom in a new way. I'm excited that over 8,000 miles away, you will be partaking in the same mission as me. That we still work together in advancing the cause of Christ. That we can still learn and grow together and from each other. That while everything in life is changing, we can remain bonded through the Lord and His purpose in each of our lives. Keep pursuing God hard and doing His kingdom work in the place I'm now physically leaving behind and know I will be continuing to pray for you.

I love you my dear friends more than you might ever realize.

Love,

Kacie

Almost One Month til Go Time!

We're coming in fast on the one month until I leave mark. Currently I've been asked a lot of what I'm thinking and what I'm feeling. After all, I am getting really close to literally moving as physically possible from home for the next two years. That's a big step.

The first thing that comes to mind is that it doesn't feel real still. Maybe next week when I go to a week long training at Wheaton College, it will. If not then, maybe when I have all my money raised. But if not then, definitely when I board the airplane. And in the rare case that even after I land it still doesn't feel real, my guess is it will a few weeks after being there. When kids show up persistently in my classroom every day and expect me to teach them for the next 9 months or so. By then, it definitely has to feel real. But for now, it doesn't. And I think that's okay. I think changes don't really hit us in life until we realize we can't go back (not that I want to).

I'm also feeling excited. I love adventure and this is going to be one of my grandest. I'm excited to meet the missionaries who spend every day working for the Lord over there and getting the chance to serve them and their families. I'm excited to meet locals, build relationships with people that are nothing like me, and learn a lot about another culture. I'm excited to learn to live in a way so unlike what I've been taught here in America. I'm also excited to have my own classroom with my own students (who will think I'm grown up enough to make all of the important decisions for us!). I'm excited to mentor these students, love and challenge them into greater depths in their relationships with Christ.  I'm excited for the friendships that are sure to happen, the laughter and the joy the Lord will bring me and my new comrades over there.

I'm nervous too. I'm nervous that I won't get the money in time. I'm nervous that I'll forget to pack really important things and then be unable to obtain them somehow over there. I'm nervous that I'll be too wrapped up in my ministry there that I'll forget to stay in touch. I'm nervous that everyone will forget about me over the two years I'm gone.

But over all of the feelings I'm having, the last few days I've had this weird sense of peace. Despite all of the changes that are about to occur in my life, the Lord's still with me and the Lord's still in control. And He's had this plan up His sleeve since before I was born. So I rest in peace knowing He will take care of everything and lead me as I go.

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

The Biblical Basis of Support Raising

This post has been prayed over for a long time. Because of how taboo any topic regarding finances can be, I want to be extremely careful with how I deal with this. Especially because I don't want to come off as using a post like this to manipulate others into feeling obligated to financially support me.  Yet I, myself, had many misguided views when I was first approached with this issue of support raising and as I have been in the process, I have noticed similar misunderstandings in others. So I feel this post is necessary for two reasons. One, I have friends who will someday be following my footsteps into missions and full-time Christian work. I have the opportunity to blaze the trail for them as they someday will figure out how this will come about in their lives. Having a right view on support raising will be essential for their future ministries, whether it's the soon-to-be doctor working in another country, the social worker who wants to fight injustice in Costa Rica, or the friend who has forsaken a job to fully commit to pastoring a campus ministry. Secondly I believe for us to correctly steward our resource of money, we can't be afraid to talk about it and explore the different ways God may be calling us to use it.

Let's start with the basics. Many missionaries (and some full-time Christian workers) receive no salary for the work that they do. However although these Christian workers work for no material reward, there still is a need for material things. So it becomes the church's responsibility to act as a body and care for their basic physical needs like food and shelter. When the early church started in Acts 2, we saw this sense of responsibility for one another: All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. (Acts 2:44-45). Even when it came to material possessions, these believers had no sense of "mine". I personally am under the impression that the "mine" mentality has plagued the church and kept it from reaching its fullest potential in the Western Hemisphere. Jesus told us the way unbelievers would know the Church was the real deal was by the way we loved one another (John 13:35). And a "me" attitude keeps us from loving one another fully as we hold back and take care of ourselves. God never meant the church to be a collection of "me"s but a collective "we".  Call me radical but this was the early church functioned and they "added to their numbers daily those who were being saved" (Acts 2:47). And this does not seem to be just a concession for those in Christian service raising support, but also to our brothers and sisters in need (with laziness being warned off in 2 Thessalonians 3:10). Paul furthermore defends missionaries raising support in 1st Corinthians 9:1-14. This set of verses hits their culminating point in verse 13: Don't you know that those who serve in the temple get their food from the temple, and that those who serve at the alter share in what is offered at the alter? In the same way, the Lord has commanded that those who preach the Gospel receive their living from the Gospel. Paul in other letters thanks churches for supporting him so that he can bring the gospel to other areas "free of charge" (2nd Corinthians 11).

This is the missionary life. Receive from one place to bless in another. We are the transferers of blessing for all. To one we move  a blessing to the area by serving and caring for the spiritual and/or physical needs of the area. To another, we offer the service of being spiritual "brokers". A misconception I had before I started support raising is that I would have to go out and beg for money. That I would be at the mercy of people choosing to be generous and would have to sell myself and my ministry like a door to door salesman. This is an attitude I have to battle every day still but several books (The God Ask, Friendraising) and those who have gone before me have encouraged me that this is not  the case. God has called us all to an incredibly large task. To go and make disciples of ALL nations (Matthew 28:18-20). But how in the world can we do that when we can only physically occupy one dot on the globe at a time? And if all Christians picked up and took a vacation to each country to spread the Gospel for a day or two, it would be an incredibly inefficient use of our resources that God expects us to be good stewards of. So God has created a system where there are two jobs: goers and senders. Some of us are called to go and take the Gospel with us to some distant land. But God does not expect that of all of us. We would never have the resources to be a sustainable force that way. So God has called most of us to work jobs, to share with our co-workers and customers the Gospel and to make some sort of income while doing so. But contrary to popular belief, once the taxes are taken out of your paycheck the money is not completely yours to do with as you wish in the Kingdom of God. God has given us out of His abundance a portion of money to take home every week. It is not yours, you did not earn it. God gave you the opportunity of your job, the energy to complete it, the favor of your boss to let you keep it, and ultimately all there ever was and is will always be God's anyway. God is the Creator of all things and the owner of all things. He just lets us manage His things for a while. And when the Lord gives us this opportunity to manage this money He gives us choices to make about using it for worldly things or using it to invest in heavenly things. In the book of Matthew, Jesus teaches us on this matter: "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth and rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matthew 6: 19-21). Becoming a supporter of a missionary allows you to regularly transfer your money from earthly things to investing in heavenly things or "storing up treasures in heaven". When missionaries ask for your support, they are giving you an opportunity to invest in God's kingdom expanding throughout the globe as our Lord Jesus commanded and are giving you the opportunity to move the money from your bank account to be credited to your spiritual account. When you give, you are not doing some big favor to missionaries, you benefit each other.

Additionally I want to just send an encouragement out their to those who read this and are like "Man, that sounds really great and all but I just really don't have the extra to give." While there is in one sense a financial responsibility we need to have, I think sometimes we take it too far. Do we really think that we are going to give so much that we will be out of God's reach? Do we think we will outgive God and He will not take care of us? In Malachi, God invites us to the only time He allows us to test Him in the whole Bible by bringing in the whole tithe aka by giving. And when we do this He says, "And see if I will not open the floodgates of blessing in heaven and pour out so much blessing there will not be enough room to store it!" In Matthew, right after Jesus talks about moving treasures to a spiritual bank account from our earthly one, He tells us also not to worry because God will take care of our needs. After all, God looks after feeding the sparrows and clothing the flowers of the field. Surely He will take care of us! It's like Jesus anticipated this fear and worry that giving caused. And He says, "My little child, don't worry. I, myself, will take care of you." I don't know about you, but I want that experience of God Himself taking care of me rather than always just trusting in my own ability. Going beyond your ability clears up space for God to do His thing.

Finally I write all these things not to tell you that I need your money. But for those who have given, I want to encourage you about the greatness of what you're doing. For those who haven't and are considering, I want to lay before you some of the Scriptures that have guided my changing viewpoint.  I am currently at 48% of my monthly support. I have raised about $700 a month and have $800 more to raise. I may not know how I will get this money at this point, but I'm trusting in the Lord. He has called me to this position, He will take care of me no matter what. Even if it can only be done through His miraculous hand, He is faithful and He will do it (1st Thes. 5:24). But at the same time, I want you to have the opportunity to share in this work with me. If you'd like to help in this way, become a partner. Go to give.teachbeyond.org and make sure to write "Kacie Leneway 40354" when it asks you where you want your funds to go.  But if you don't feel like you're being called to partner this way, please pray that God does a work and makes a way for me. Because God will provide. He who called me is faithful and He will do it but we still have that responsibility to be praying for it, especially right now when we may not see how the way may be possible.

Battling Discouragement

I stated before that my promise to you, my readers, is to be brutally honest and transparent about how things have been going. This goes with my hope to make my life a 2nd Corinthians 4:7 kind of life: "one that holds this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us."  The more broken the jar, the more God's light and power can be seen through each situation. I've been therefore striving not to cover up these cracks but to expose them so everyone may see how God has "power made perfect in my weakness" (2nd Corinthians 12:9). This story that I've lived out in the last few weeks is one that highlights my weakness and shows how God is honored and comes through in strength and glory.

During student teaching, I had taken a month or so off of support-raising due to how hectic my life was getting and because without doing so I was not able to honor God fully by preparing to teach with the excellence that my students deserved. As this time of student teaching was coming to a close, I decided that I was ready to jump back into the support-raising game. There were so many people that I had neglected to call/email/get back to and I knew that after taking time off I would have to work extra hard to keep up with my goal of being fully-funded by the time I leave in August. But then it happened. Call it discouragement, call it an unshakeable apathy, call it an unconquerable fear, call it hopelessness, but whatever you call it I could not bring myself to pick up the phone. There were a few nights that I would sit in my room ready to make calls and would sit there for 40 minutes to an hour without doing anything but stare at that phone. I would pray for God to give me courage, for God to help me, for God to lead me, but would feel nothing and still sat there paralyzed. 

What's worse is I didn't tell anyone. I owed it to my supporters, to my friends, to everyone I told about my journey to be working hard to get to the Philippines and since this thing has become about a team so much bigger than me, I was no longer just wasting my time, I was sitting there wasting their time. Wasting their efforts if my inability to pick up that phone led to failure. Besides that nagging voice in my head kept telling me, "It's impossible. It'll never work anyway. Just save yourself the time and give up now."  All of this drove me into a place of shame and hiding. What drove me even further into this was a verse that has nagged me since I heard someone speak on it. 1st Samuel 30:6 ends with "but David encouraged himself in the Lord." (KJV). David endured hard circumstances, the people earlier in the verse were talking about stoning him for Pete's sake!  Yet David "encouraged himself".  David can encourage himself, why can't you Kacie? Not spiritual enough? If so, who are you to be going to be a missionary? If David can do it, surely you can. But as hard as I tried to encourage myself, I was still completely psyched out. And I was completely ashamed not only of my failure, but my inability to pull up my bootstraps, pray a little harder, seek God a little harder and find enough encouragement in that to "make myself better again".  

Finally I got enough courage to text a few of my prayer warriors at least. I wasn't doing well on my own, and I needed help. Or as a quote that a friend had reminded me of in a completely unrelated story the night before goes: Grace flows to the deepest part we expose. Sin beckons us to come and hide. Grace sets us free. Allowing others to pray for you in those dark moments that you wish no one knew of LEADS TO FREEDOM. The very thing the Devil makes you not want to do is the exact thing that will lead you out of his bondage. 

It was days later that I met with my accountability partner over dinner. I had to confess where I had been and what was going on. What was hard for me to tell her was also hard for her to hear. Because she knew that as hard as she pushed, as tough as she was with me, it'd be almost impossible to move me when I was driven so far into a shell of fear and discouragement. At camp, we talked about the three zones that someone could be in at any point: the comfort zone, the groan/grown zone and the safety zone (where fear paralyzes someone so much they can't move).  I was in the safety zone with support raising, so as much as she scolded me or told me I could do it, we both knew it wouldn't change a thing. We needed Someone bigger than us to intervene. It had to be a God thing. 

Well during that dinner date, my accountability partner got a text from someone she had met a few months before under some strange circumstances.  This person happened to be a youth pastor at a local church. After seeing this text, she said, "Oh, I know you need to meet Josh! I don't have the right words for you, but he'll know! And he'll have some new ideas of ways you can raise some funds too!"  It was about 30 minutes later that we were sitting in a coffee shop with Josh. He rattled off idea after idea and how I could involve and rely on others to help me in these different approaches while continuing to ask others to join the team. He assured me that from my story it was so obvious that God had called me to the Philippines, that it would be ridiculous to think He wouldn't provide for it. He encouraged me to remember how God had provided in the past and the things He has done in my life. I walked away from that conversation with papers full of ideas and with a new life and energy in me. When I couldn't muster up my own strength, God Himself renewed me through this "chance" meeting.  This brokenness in me was something God had planned to heal in such a way that no one could doubt it was only through Him and His goodness. When you are down, know that God is looking to be the encouragement and "strength of your heart" (Psalm 73:26). He wants you to learn to turn to no one but Him. As Hosea 2:14 states, God wants to lead us into the desert away from every other comfort that we go to so we learn to rely on Him and Him alone. 

That was the first turning point in battling this discouragement monster that was haunting me. The second came days later. I was on a walk trying to go back to the source of why I was so discouraged. As I got down to it, I knew one of the underlying driving force was that voice that taunted: "What if you fail?" From listening to this sermon as I was falling asleep earlier that week, I knew that I had to face these fear head on. Originally my answer was if I don't get the funds to go to the Philippines after knowing so clearly God had called me to it, my faith could fail. Probably not all the way, but I would still be shaken up greatly as this was something God had rearranged my plans around so much for and gotten my heart so excited for and then to pull the rug up from under me? Well how could you trust someone like that? (Disclaimer: That is not the kind of God we worship. GOD IS FAITHFUL.1st Thessalonians 5:24.)  But then I started to think of it the same way I think of a relationship when it ends.  The way to judge if a relationship is a good choice even if it could end is: Does this make you a better person when all's said and done? Will it bring you closer to God? If the answers are "yes", then there's no loss from being a part of that relationship. So I began to analyze the process in which I've been working towards being a missionary in that way. During this process, God has shown Himself in crazy ways. We've shared intimate moments of weakness and vulnerability where I've needed to press so deeply into Him. He's teaching me what it means to need Him every hour. And He's been slowly but surely drawing out what small bravery that I have for Him so He can build it and grow it for the good works I'll need it for that He's prepared in advance for me to do (Ephesians 2:10). God's been drawing me near and been preparing me for even greater works.  I will be better and have experienced a greater closeness to God for the whole thing. Even if I fail and never make it to the Philippines, God is still good and I will still praise Him! Taking on this attitude, facing this fear directly on, has completely disarmed its ability to control me anymore. Because every time it says, "What if?", I can reply "Even if the worst happens, God is still God and I will still praise Him! Bring it! Now that I've made this resolve, you can't touch me anymore fear!!!" 

I'm now back in the game and encouraged. For the last week or so, I've been working harder than ever to reach my goals. I've even been picking up that phone to do the scary thing and make calls. In the presence of God, in His timing and in His power, He has cast away the fear and discouragement that had been overshadowing my life. Praise the Lord! But also pray for me. Pray that God would keep encouraging my heart and that He'd keep providing everything I need: the time to serve, the courage to serve and the funds to serve. Pray that He would keep reminding me of the importance of my work. And pray that I would continue to find the strength to press into Him and keep learning what it means to need Him every hour.






Also if this had a dark undertone to anyone and made them doubt whether my ministry would be provided for, know the God that called me is "faithful and He will do it" (1st Thessalonians 5:24) and that "He who began a good work will be faithful to complete it" (modified Philippians 1:6). Also praises go out because over the last two weeks God has brought me from 30% funded to almost 45% funded! So God is working! 

The Fruits of Discipleship

Anyone who knows me knows I'm a very passionate person. One of my biggest passions is training up leaders and growing Christians into greater disciples of Christ. Last semester at Standing in the Gap (the Christian on-campus organization that I was a part of), I was fortunate enough to speak on this very passion of mine. I was able to share how Paul calls us to raise up disciples as fathers raise their children. I don't desire to share that all here for sake of repetition, but if you want practical ideas on how to disciple send me a message and I'll send thoughts your way.

One thing I recently was reminded of though was how deeply rewarding this labor is. Over the last 2 or so years, I have been deeply involved in raising up leadership on SVSU's campus. I've worked on training several students on how to be disciple-makers and continue the work I had started on SVSU's campus. I've created discipleship groups, met one on one with my aspiring leaders, and challenged the heck out of these individuals. And this last weekend I was reminded of how much doing that work can pay off. 

I had gone up to Saginaw last weekend because of a class, but had the hope of catching up with many of the friends I had discipled. This was harder to plan than I thought though because they were right in the middle of kingdom-expanding activities. One of my boys had to blow me off to evangelize. He had the opportunity to spend time using one of his hobbies to connect to nonbelievers and couldn't pass it up. How can you blame someone for that? One of my girls left hanging out with me to go comfort someone she was discipling. My "babies", as I have so lovingly called them, were almost too busy for me because they were doing the very kingdom-expanding things I taught them to do! And the others all had come back to me with stories of how God was using them, and questions of how they could do things better. How awesome is that! I thought it was really cool when by the time I left, most of my babies (all of my official ones at least) were on Standing in the Gap's leadership team. However it was even cooler this weekend to see that those babies weren't just given a label, they were still acting those things out even after I wasn't there to guide them every day. 

But this story is not exclusive to me. It's not because I am awesome. It's because I followed what I've learned, my passions and the Holy Spirit's leading in my life. It's because I've used the gifts God's given me. God has happened to bless me with the gifts of shepherding, leadership and teaching. So my story of how I've gotten to, and will get to, use God's gifts to expand His Kingdom will look a lot different than yours might. For instance, one of the things I'm so excited for as I look to teach in the Philippines is that it will be the perfect opportunity to raise up young leaders for Christ and that's my passion and my gift. That's going to be one of the best investments I can make for the Kingdom, I'm so sure of it! But one of my friends for example might have the gift of faith. And they may pray and change the whole outlook of this tiny time we have here on earth. Another friend might have the gift of evangelism. They may go win many to Christ. I wish I was good at this, but I know God has chosen to give us all different gifts so that together we can be most effective. But the thing is, when you are using your gift, you will begin to see the fruit of your labor as long as you keep at it without giving up. And as I said when I preached, whether shepherding is your gift or not, I think discipling is a job for all of us. Because as Paul says "there are ten thousand guardians in Christ, but not many fathers" (1st Corinthians 4:15) and the importance of having fathers to help us grow up so that "we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming" (Ephesians 4:14). So go disciple, train others in the way of godliness, and be amazed at the rich fruit of blessing that follows.