Yesterday I watched the Tigers play. Watching baseball always reminds me of my softball days. Sometimes I really miss the game. What missing the game is often synonymous with is missing pitching. One of the biggest things I learned while pitching is my love for control. I think it's half the reason I played the position. When I was on the mound, it became my game. Wins became my wins. Losses were clearly my teammates fault because I couldn't control everything. Even when my catcher tried to signal me what pitch to throw, I would shake my head until they gave me the signal I wanted because after all, I did know best. There was a time in my life when I would openly tell others one of the things I loved about pitching was that it was the only time I felt in control of everything.
You might not have ever played softball, but we all love being the one "pitching" in our lives. We love feeling in control and able to put as many of the variables as possible into our own hands. We like being able to make our own plans and then execute them. The funny thing about being a Christian though is we were never called to be the pitchers of our lives. We are called to play the field, and make the best plays we can on what comes our way. But so often we try to bump the true Pitcher right off the mound for our chance to take control.
This last summer of serving at Lake Ann, week after week, I noticed a theme that I first saw as a disappointing one rising up. It was that nothing ever worked out the way I wanted or planned it to. Like nothing. Ever. I couldn't even guide simple conversations where I wanted them to go. And it's not that I had bad plans. I wanted campers to come to know Jesus and see His relevance and power in their lives. What more noble cause could I possibly have! But so often I would get frustrated by the lack of these plans developing the way I thought they should. Until later, when God consistently blow my mind with His plans which ALWAYS beat mine. Like every single time, it was like God came in and said, "Your plans are cute kid, but mere child's play. Watch this.....it's going to be wayyyyyy better." And true to His nature He was always right about that.
The most notable times of this often came up on Fresh Start for me. Fresh Start is Lake Ann's program for students going into 9th grade, where the main event is a 3 day rafting trip. Yup, 3 days of rafting. Over 20 miles. Roughly 8 hours stuck on a raft with the same people. If you're into getting to know others, there is no better opportunity. As a counselor this is the perfect opportunity to promote a culture of openness and really dig into finding out who your campers are. It's glorious.
This rafting trip is broken into 4 different legs. During most of these legs, my campers and I will play games that essentially are made up of us asking each other questions and answering them. Also as a vet counselor, it's easy to know the level of deepness that each leg of the river can cultivate. So when we get to day 2 and a leg when things are supposed to be going deep but my campers spend the next 3 hours singing and there's nothing I can do to pull them away from that I end frustrated. I say, "God I'm trying and trying to move this conversation to a place we can get deep and grow. Why am I failing so badly?" But yet God is at work.
We pull off for a quick lunch and then onto the next leg of the river. Ten minutes later. BOOM! *CRACK* Thunder. And thunderstorms and river rafting are apparently not a good pair. So we pull off. And since we were only ten minutes in luckily we have about half the rafts at the place we pull out at so we're not alone. But this just grew my frustration. See, things weren't going how I wanted it earlier and quite honestly I was so ready to finish rafting for the day, get off the river and start making some diner. And here we were. Stuck on a riverbank for an indefinite amount of time. With probably a good 30 or so 9th graders to entertain. My attitude most definitely did not start out the best. But then we started entertaining them. Singing every verse of "Boom Chicka" known to man. And then making up verses. Until they got so ridiculous you couldn't help but laugh at how desperate we were getting. And I realized that joy and a good attitude were in fact possible in the moment, but that was a choice I had to make. We stayed at that river bank for what I would guess was a little over an hour. After "Boom Chicka", we played some standard camp games except adding more flairs than ever to keep this time exciting. And this time really did become exciting. At the very end of the day, I asked my girls what the best part of their day was. Almost everyone said it was getting pulled off in the thunderstorm. That night the chapel speaker was able to talk about how we respond to the storms of life. Because of the events of the day, it was one of the most powerful messages I have heard. All of this was due to the thunderstorm that I would never have planned. But thankfully God did.
The next day God gave me the deep conversations with my girls that I longed for. It was that reminder that "He makes everything beautiful in its time." (Ecclesiastes 3:11). Not in my time, but in His time. And over and over this last summer He did this. Not with a thunderstorm every time but by rejecting my plans and replacing them with His. And I'm so glad that I have a God who would say no to my dumb plans and replace them with something better. Such a God deserves my admiration as I say "Wow God, I never would have thought of doing it like that. How clever!"
And this wasn't an isolated incident. Every week I'd come up with my own plans for my campers. And then they would get destroyed. At that point, I always came across the choice of being frustrated or trusting in God's plans which looked like patience and hope. Let's just say I really improved on the second option over the summer. And it always paid off. Not one week would end where I said "Wow, I wish my plans came through because things really didn't work out." Instead my God was faithful and blew my mind with how much bigger and better His plans were! Not once did He fail me.
This particular lesson translates well into the place I find myself at now in life. I graduate in May. I'll have a degree in teaching, but am still not confident if that's really what I want to do or not. If that is what I want to do, there are still like 5 million options of what that might look like for me. Literally in 9 months, it feels like my entire life will just be thrown in the air and hopefully land somewhere great. And part of me just screams, "God just show me where you want me! Please just eliminate every option you don't want for me and make things clear!" And God says, "I make everything beautiful in its time. You're not capable of appreciating my plans for what they are yet. Just be patient and trust." So so what if I've got 9 months to figure life out and don't have a clue yet? My God dreams bigger dreams than I do for myself, and His plans are way bigger and better. Every single time. So this chump is willing to get off the mound and let the true Ace take her place. Its not always easy to give up the ball, but its easier when you see the perfect record that God has.
" For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
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