An Unexpected Gift this Christmas

It's Christmas day. I currently sit in a tank top and shorts by a Christmas tree and two giant boxes which are full of presents which will be opened by my roommate upon her return in a week and a half. The only thing that's been white about this Christmas is my skin. This year is my first Christmas on the field, my first Christmas "alone". And amidst a holiday season full of striving, of discontentment, tonight I find my first night of that "silent night"-y kind of peace.

An old roommate Christmas pic <3

Flashback to the last few weeks. Thanksgiving hits. Ugh, it's the holiday season. Can't go home. This will be the worst. My roommate gets to go home. In fact, all of my friends here are leaving me. Why can't Christmas just not happen? And why do we need a break? This sounds like a terrible idea. *Insert more Grinch-like, emo-esque comments* The fact is this holiday season, I didn't feel like I has a whole lot to look forward to. Instead the holidays have felt more like a taunt reminding me of the life I once knew, the people I once would have spent this season with who I miss way too much. My family who I would watch Rudolph with every Christmas eve as we devoured massive amounts of cookies and hot chocolate as we lounged in hoodies and sweatpants after church. My old roommates who I would gather with for a "family" Christmas party every year between Christmas and New Year's. The friends I would always catch up with since the holidays was one of the only times I was home. All things I have been missing terribly as this holiday season hits me here away in the mission field.

The holidays aren't an awesome time for everyone. And sometimes every "What are you doing for Christmas?" becomes this terrible taunt reminding people of what they no longer have. And I think there is an okay-ness with grieving that. But never let us stay in that grief and self-pity. If we dwell there, if we set up our tents and live there, we live in denial of the hope and joy that is in the very message of Christmas. 

See let's go back to what Christmas is about.

Genesis 1 and 2: Perfect world. Man and God walk together and chill. All is well.

Genesis 3: BOOM! CRASH! You had only one rule Eve! Really????
Later in Genesis 3: God "Curse....blah, blah, blah. Eve, you and this serpent will be enemies now. He's going to be on the prowl looking to attack you. BUT WAIT, you will have a descendant who CRUSHES HIS HEAD!" *Hope shimmers as Adam and Eve wait for a son to break that curse*

Genesis 4-5: People kicked out of garden, and world keeps taking turns for the worst. With every new child, the whisper of hope kicks in. Maybe this son will be the one that will crush the serpent's head. Take for example Genesis 5:29 "He named him Noah and said, 'He will comfort us in the labor and painful toil of our hands caused by the ground the Lord has cursed.'" Sounds like someone who will reverse the curse, no?

But every son comes up short. Even the comparatively righteous, like Noah, seems to fall short of the promised destroyer of the curse. The world falls more and more apart. So God renews his promise. God continually gives throughout the Old Testament these details, most hidden among descriptions of terrible things that are going on, of what this Messiah will be like. He's going to restore us to God. He will be a king with all authority and rule. He's going to bring justice. He will be our Emmanuel, God with us. He's everything that these inhabitants of earth, these people who fall further and further from God because of that silly curse, need and could not be themselves. And after waiting and waiting, after wondering time after time "Is this the one?", I'm sure they got tired of waiting. Where are you God and where is this promise? It really is too good to be true isn't it? I'm sure many gave up hope after waiting so long.

But behold, then Jesus does come born in the lowliest of stables, declared to the men of little importance in society, shepherds. And this little baby really is too good to be true. He's the Promised One. He's our Emmanuel, God with us. He lives the life we could never live and then crushes the serpent once and for all on the cross. He counteracts the curse, allowing us to have a relationship with God that is tighter than the garden. He brings in not just the era of God with us, but his death brings the era of God in us. Never again are we alone. Never again do we have to live dreadfully separated from God and all hope. And no longer do we wait, because we already have.

That's the message of Christmas. The Long Awaited One has come. He is the present that humanity needed. The only present that I need. See, the other things that I miss this Christmas are awesome, above and beyond things that the Lord has really blessed me with. But what God has challenged me with this Christmas is the question, "Am I enough? Am I truly the thing your contentment and joy are built on or is it built on my gifts?" See my Lord gives good gifts; you might even say He's the best at it. But when we need those gifts, not realizing we already have everything we need in Jesus, not realizing how much we have already been given in Jesus, we live taking for granted the very thing mankind has been waiting for since the curse. With this realization in hand, I spent most of my afternoon posted up in a hammock with my Bible chilling with Jesus. I had my own candlelight service under my Christmas tree. I spent my day with my Savior, because He is enough. And upon realizing that, Christmas went from dreaded to a blessed day indeed.

And with that I just want to leave you with Joy to the World (because it speaks of that joy we can have now that the curse has been undone):

Joy to the world! The Lord has comeLet earth receive her King!Let every heart prepare Him room
And heaven and nature singAnd heaven and nature singAnd heaven, and heaven and nature sing

Joy to the world! the Savior reignsLet men their songs employWhile fields and floodsRocks, hills and plainsRepeat the sounding joyRepeat the sounding joyRepeat, repeat the sounding joy

No more let sins and sorrows growNor thorns infest the ground;He comes to make His blessings flowFar as the curse is found.As the curse is found.

*Also for those back home who are wondering, or are like "Man I feel terrible that Kacie was so alone over Christmas", people did take me in. The last few days I've been running around like crazy doing Christmas-y things with different families and friends I've met here. Even today on Christmas, I went to a family's house for an awesome breakfast and Christmas celebration. Don't worry, I am being taken care of ;)

The Kids I Serve

I remember some of the conversations I had with people when I first decided to become a missionary and move to the other side of the world. Because where I come from, doing something so different comes off as crazy. And even more so when I said, "No, it's not me on the front line of missions, reaching the people in the bush that have never heard the Gospel or building an orphanage or planting a church or (fill in the blank with some super spiritual thing here). Instead I will be assisting those missionaries with their work indirectly by teaching their children." And although I believed this work was important, I also believed that it was nothing compared to what those "real" missionaries were doing on the front lines. I was just happy to help and happy to learn to serve by doing the behind the scenes work. 

But now I've gotten to know the kids I moved halfway across the world for. And as recently I've been thinking about them a lot, I've come to realize how much my job is not behind the scenes but is on the front lines fighting for Jesus. And if you're not sure that you agree with me yet, let me tell you just a little about the kids I serve. 

There's a few middle school boys and girls that I teach Bible to every day but don't know Christ yet. They're convinced that if there is a heaven and hell, if they just buckle up and work to be a good enough person, they'll get to heaven. I can't even imagine how exhausting that way of thinking must be. And it's such a privilege because I get to teach them the Bible everyday. And I get to build those relationships with them out of class whether at the lunch table, on the court, or in the hallway where I can model for them what hope, what joy, what peace a Christian life has to offer. My prayer is these little homies come to know Christ because they're the lost that I get to preach to.

Then there's the middle school boys and girls that do know and love Jesus, but are still trying to figure out what that means for their lives (because after all, which of us isn't doing this still?) This last semester, we've been going through the book of Proverbs, aka God's will for my everyday interactions, and I've been challenging them daily to think critically about the things God asks of us. To think critically about the arguments of the Bible and the arguments of the world and see what make sense. To apply their knowledge to situations going on in the world around us (we've spent the last few weeks talking about the Syrian refugee crisis and the Paris terrorist attacks). My prayer is that these kids become warriors for Christ who go out and offer hope and peace to those around them. My prayer is that they wouldn't be the Christians who sit in the pews Sunday but live their life however they want Monday, but live their entire life in view of who God is and what He has called us to. 

There's the juniors and seniors in high school that soon will venture out in the real world. They're about to leave their Christian bubble and hit a total culture and spiritual shock. Without an identity rooted in Christ, their faiths may very well sink. And some of them just don't know. Their faith hasn't been tested, it hasn't been tried, and they need to figure out what they believe. Or it has been tested, and though we would never speak of it in public, through all of the tests they don't know how there could be a God, or a God that loves them at least. Some of them feel forgotten by God. I've sat down and had the conversations. Some of them I meet with regularly as we're trying to sort out what they believe. My prayer is that these young friends of mine also come to find that God is real, God is with them and God wants to offer them an abundant, full and exciting relationship with Him. 

There's the girls I coach that I get to speak confidence into. That I get to tell regularly that they're not defined by their performance, but by who they are in Christ. That I'll love them whether they make or miss that buzzer beater, but I'll still challenge them to be better. My prayer God would be using these relationships to teach these girls about who they are and who they can grow into being someday. 

There's the students that I teach that are totally misguided. And sometimes I have to sit down and have the hard conversations with them about cheating or maintaining their integrity as a Christian. Who I sometimes have to work hard to extend my forgiveness to, but at the same time teach them to do what is right. My prayer is these students would grow up to be men and women of integrity who not only do what is right, but stand up for what is right and just and fair in this world. 

So am I on the front line of missions? Yeah, I would say I'm building up the church and preaching to the lost. I would say the work I do every day is important work that the Lord has asked of me. Whether I expected it or not, these little friends of mine needed Christ more than I ever could have known or imagined, but the more I get to know them the more I see that. And my guess, my reader, is that the more you get to know those around you, the more you'll see that God wants you to be fighting for their hearts, working to bring justice, peace and hope to those around you too. 

As for me, keep praying for me and those crazy kids I serve. 

Whether at the Orphanage or the School, We're all looking for 1 thing...

Today after school, I visited an orphanage for the first time. It was in the center of the city on a side street, this little orphanage named Sisters of Charity. Besides the name upfront, it had the appearance of a normal house. But inside it was anything but normal. We walked into a room full of 2 year olds playing with the few stuffed animals they had. Past that was a room full of children with physical handicaps who could do little more than lie on their beds without help.  Beyond that a room full of babies with no mothers and fathers (or with mothers and fathers that weren't capable of caring for them). There were probably about 30 kids there, from infant to 4 years. And the sad fact that held them all there together was that they had no one who could take care of them. They had no family to love them. So these caretakers brought them in. And although the caretakers there do an excellent job, there's only so much of them to go around. Which means there's so much extra love that these kids need to receive. 

Today what I set out to do was just give the little love I could. And although most of them didn't speak the same language as I, although a few knew some English, we had so much fun laughing and playing together. Whether we were bouncing tennis balls across the room and chasing them or picking them up and swinging them around and around, we were just full of laughter and smiles. They reminded me so much of the little ones I used to babysit at the church I went to in Saginaw, because in so many ways they were the same. Fun is fun no matter what language you speak or how different you look. And whether they were the little blondies I babysat in Saginaw or the little orphans I played with today, they all were happy if they got one thing from me: my love and attention. 

My roommate Brenna reading to a kid

Apparently we snuck similar pictures of each other

And the thing is it's not just the orphans that need that. That's the same exact thing my students at school need. It just looks different when I give it to them. For my students at school, sometimes the most loving thing I can do is keep them after class and talk to them about why they were struggling to pay attention and how we can fix it. Or give them an assignment that will really challenge them to be responsible and push their mental abilities to the limit so they can see just what awesome things they truly are capable of. Sometimes it does get to be more fun like chaperoning their events and playing fun games with them. (Even when those fun games sometimes make me look silly.) Or like walking down the halls with them and giving them basic friend-making tips (*nudge* "If you want to make a friend, a great way is to give them a compliment like 'I really like your.....uniform shirt.'" #misslenewaysschooloffriendship). Or as I've been working on with my middle schoolers, sometimes love looks like just being there for them because so often they get forgotten and lost in the mix. And whether an orphan or a student at some fancy missionary school, no child deserves the left overs. They all deserve the best that you and I have to offer. 

And the thing is: it's not just the orphans and it's not just my students. All any of us want is the love and undivided attention of another human being. It's what the man begging on the street corner really needs (although it's true he probably needs some other help as well). It's what my roommates need after I come home from a long day. It's what my coworkers need when I sit down with them for lunch. It's what my friends back home, who text me in the middle of the night because they forget the 12 hour time difference, need. It's what the people I run into on the street every day need. It's what the people who you meet on the street every day need. All of us are looking for someone to love us and someone to pay attention to us. So why not be the person who will do that for someone else? Why not fulfill that need in another and trust that God will take care of that need in you? Because the thing is as Christians we have already had this fulfilled in us in the person of Jesus Christ. 

And God assures us of this in His Word, "For I am convinced that neither life or death, nor angels nor demons, neither the present or the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Jesus Christ." (Romans 8:38-39). Nothing in the world could take Jesus's love away from us! Nothing you do, nothing I do. Not the worst day not the best day. Nothing. We are completely loved by Him at all time in all places. Even before we knew Him or acknowledged Him (Romans 5:8). So why do we hold on to our love to dole out at our convenience rather give it freely and extravagantly like God has given it to us? Let us be generous in giving out our love today and let others see Jesus in us as we do so. 

Things I say A LOT now that I live in the Philippines

Since moving to the Philippines 2 months ago, I've found myself picking up quite a few new phrases. Most of them would have made no sense to me 3 months ago, but after living in a whole new world they've become pretty standard to a day. I thought that sharing some of these phrases might make for a fun post, and shed some light on the culture I now live in.

"It's not a meal if it doesn't have rice."

Locals swear by this phrase. Friends have told me stories of times they made fancy dinners of lasagna, garlic bread, the works, but served no rice and their Filipino friends went home later and cooked another meal because there was no rice. Although I'm not actually at the point that I'm a believer of this phrase yet, we do eat a lot of rice. Rice at lunch, rice at almost every dinner, sometimes I catch myself snacking on leftover rice. I wasn't a huge rice eater before, but now I would say it's easily 98% of my diet. (Okay maybe that's a slight exaggeration.)

"Is that drink fill-able?" 

THERE ARE NO FREE REFILLS IN THIS COUNTRY!!!! WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO??? On the less overly dramatic side, we've found one place called S&R that has free refills, or as they call it here fill-able drinks. But that's it. My roommate and I were obsessed for some period of time with the sad idea that we can never get a free refill anywhere and still joke about how we're not going anywhere to eat unless they'll give us a fill-able drink. The funny part is, in the States, I hardly got a refill anyway. I just hate the idea of being denied that freedom!

"There's always room for one more."

This is the motto of the jeepney, which is our most common form of transportation. Jeepneys are old transport vehicles from World War II, but since in the Philippines they recycle everything, these are now the cheapest form of transportation in the city. And the most crowded. Often we end up sitting uncomfortably close with our friends, the stranger next to us, the small child across the way, everyone. And even when you think to yourself, "Yes, the jeep is full! Things will move faster because we won't have to pick up anyone else!", the jeepney driver will make that slow crawl to the side of the road and let one more in. Because there's always room for one more!

"Which one of us do you think they're staring at?"

When we first got here, we were told we would get stared at for 3 reasons: our white skin makes them think we're rich, we're freakishly tall, and they think we look like goddesses. In fact, I've had a friend actually get told she looked like a goddess once while we were out shopping. Or a cactus. It was hard to tell because the English was a little rough. But anyways every where we go, we get stared at. At first, this always had me on my edge. Now I've gotten more used to it, but some days this really does bug me a lot still. But at least we can deal with it by joking now, "Nah, there's no way they're staring at us. There must be something behind us", "It must be you, ya cactus ;)", "Surely they're not on to the fact we're not locals...." 

"I don't know that that looks American size."

Once a lady at a shop said, "See how pretty this is. And we even have it in American size." Not American sizes, American size. Which I'm pretty sure means fat. And tall. Which isn't what we are, but locals are the far other extreme. Tiny. And incredibly skinny. So when ever we look at clothing, we need to double check if it fits because let's face it: We are not Filipina size in most regards. 

"Must be a Filipino (insert time here)."

We first learned about Filipino time while searching for houses. People were constantly running considerably later than when they said they'd meet us. Whenever this happened, our friends that were helping us said, "Must be a Filipino 3 (or 4 or whatever time it was supposed to be). Filipinos are constantly running late, which isn't necessarily a bad thing like we would consider it to be in the States. Instead they're running late because they value the relationship of whoever happens to be in front of them at the time so much that they wouldn't dare think of insulting them by leaving just to keep an appointment. While starting late doesn't naturally appeal to me, I do like the relational emphasis of why this happens.

"Salamatpo"

In Cebuano, this means "Thank you sir". Filipinos are incredibly polite and we try our hardest to mimic them and exchange the same politeness back. And when we can say it in their language, it does another step of showing that we're making an effort to meet them where they're at and care about them. It puts us one step closer to shaking that rich, selfish white person stigma that we have to start every interaction with. 

"No, really you don't get it. That's all the Cebuano I know."

This is probably my favorite phrase because we usually have to say it while laughing at the situation we've gotten ourselves into.  I know how to say "Good morning", "Good evening", "Thank you", "How much?", "Yes" and "Bayan" (which I don't know the English translation to but I know if I say it the jeepney driver will then take my money to pay for my ride). Sometimes we casually will throw one of these phrases out there. At which point one of two things happens. Someone responds by fluently speaking to us in Cebuano. To this we respond, "I have no idea what you're saying. That's all the Cebuano I know." Generally they just keep speaking in Cebuano to us until we've said it two or three more times. Like I lied to them the first time and am secretly fluent. The other scenario this leads us to is them asking us, "Oh you know some Cebuano? What do you know?" And then we share our few phrases and they eagerly sit on the edge of their seats waiting to hear more. At which point we awkwardly sit there for a while until we say, "No you don't get it. That's really all the Cebuano I know." And then we both giggle awkwardly at our valiant effort but major incompetence. 

So hopefully you've had fun reading about my new phrases in the Philippines. They definitely don't completely capture the picture of what's going on here, but I thought it might give you some insight to what life is like down here. I miss you my friends and God bless!

A People of Celebration

So this week has been the Kadayawan festival in Davao. Kadayawan is a festival celebrating life, the bounty of the harvest, and in general just how good life has been to these people. It is a holiday celebrated generally by the people groups of the foothills of Mt. Apo, many which believe still in nature being the gods. However in the city, it's just a really fun time that everyone gathers together to celebrate.

One thing that I've noticed since being here is that the Filipino culture is one that is semi-lost to its Western feel. When you wander the malls, you are sure to see KFC, McDonald's, Pizza Hut, and a few American stores like PayLess or Aeropostale. So many people are impressed when they speak to us just because we come from America (which makes my heart a little sad). I think there are a lot of roots left from a time when the States had a presence of troops here (I think it was right after WWII but my history senses are never that good).  Anyways especially here in the city, I feel sad because I know how much of their culture is lost. Kadayawan was a great experience then to see them claiming back their culture and celebrating who they are as a people.

Despite my feelings of the loss of a surface culture, in the very essence of who these people are, they are very different than Americans. The one thing that I realized I appreciated and could learn from today is their joy of life and willingness to celebrate. The streets today were FILLED with people ready to see the festival. Whenever there is an event going on in the center of a mall (aka every day), it's always got the feel of a large party.....even when the event is just a Clash of the Clans tournament or Zumba. When they eat dinner together, the food is secondary to enjoying the company of those around them. Efficiency may not be a thing here, but relationship and celebration permeates every bit of life.

I try not to compare my two cultures and attribute one as good and the other as bad in the way it does things because that can be tempting when it's so different. But I am trying to learn the most I can from the way my new world does things and trying to take what I like and leave what I don't to blend with the culture I already have. One thing I definitely think I need to take from these people is a lesson on celebrating. I love to enjoy life, but often only when my to-do list is short. When there's not more important things I should be doing. When it doesn't interfere with the important things.

But I'm starting to think maybe celebrating is one of the important things. And I think God thinks that too. After all, these God commanded the people to have like 7 festivals a year. Parties celebrating God's own goodness. David, the man after God's own heart, danced in his underwear in the street. Jesus rode a donkey in a parade. It seems like God is all about the celebration life. And because of what God has done for us, where He has brought us, why shouldn't we celebrate? God has given us new life, and life to the full at that!! (John 10:10). He's delivered us from serving the harsh master of darkness and brought us to become sons of the King! (Ephesians 2). I'm not defined by my past and my future is secure. What is there not to celebrate??

Our celebrating brings glory to God. It points back the finger to heaven and says, "Man, God really has been good to us!" And when people see us celebrating, it invites them in. It beckons them to also "taste and see that the Lord is good!" Yes, we have schedules, to-do lists, and the demands of life pressing in on every side. But the God who has it all covered says, "Don't worry about it kiddo. Enjoy Me and celebrate My goodness today." I'm just praying we'll all learn to be a people of celebration today.

These kids had a lot of fun taking pictures with us. It was really cool to tell them "No, we're not the pretty ones, you're so beautiful today!"

 

My house is on fire!....(and other ways I know God is sovereign)

About 3 weeks ago, I got on a jet plane and headed away from my home in Michigan. After over a full day of travel, I landed in Davao.  Thankfully I was able to catch a few good pics before touching done. If you want more of the pictures, you can check out my Facebook page but this was one of my favorites. 

 For the last 3 weeks, it feels like life has been moving at an incredibly quick pace as everything in my life is brand new and I need to learn it all. I need to learn how to make friends again (and with people of all different ages and incredibly different background experiences). I need to learn how to interact with students in a new way (because these students are wayyyyyy different than the ones I had for student teaching). I need to learn how to shop for things to fill a home in a different country (because in America, you don't need that extra bucket to keep water for when the water to your neighborhood runs out). I need to learn how to successfully navigate the complexities of public transportation (because some Jeepneys will take you to the mall, but don't go back the same direction from the mall. How they ever start in your neighborhood when they never seem to return there, no one knows.). Anyways it's been massive amounts of learning and adjusting to everything being new.

This is a jeepney by the way. They're old trasnport vehicles from WWII and are the cheapest way to get around town. 

And in the last few weeks as I've been adjusting to the newness of everything in my life, there is one truth that I've recently been unable to ignore. God is sovereign. He is in control. And even though I'm oceans away from everything I once knew and many of the people I love, God is here with me. And now I shall share a few ways in which I am reminded and know this. 

It was this last Thursday night. I was exhausted from a long day at school and what had in general been a really long-feeling week, so I decided before I got any work done that night I was going to take a nap and make some pancakes. Because what could be better after a long day than a nap and breakfast for dinner? As I woke up groggily from my nap, my roommate was just coming home from volleyball practice. So we were chatting from different rooms as I started to gather the things necessary to make pancakes on our friend's one burner stovetop that we were borrowing. I mixed the mix, turned on the gas, turned the switch to light the burner....and BOOM! FLAMES EVERYWHERE! My face was probably no more than 2 inches away from a massive explosion of firey terror. By reaction, I jumped back but then stood there absolutely paralyzed by the shock of it all. Luckily my roommate noticed the entire room I was in turn to a red glow and jumped to action finding a fire extinguisher and putting the fire out. But there are a couple elements to this story which make it incredibly obvious that it was the Lord's protection over us that day:

• My roommate was able to grab a fire extinguisher. As I shared this story with some of my coworkers the next day they made this interesting point I would never have looked at: Filipino homes don't have fire extinguishers. Most said they didn't have one in their own homes and that they couldn't recall houses they had been in that ever had them. As they brought this up, my brain recalled our time of house hunting. In no other house we looked at do I remember seeing a fire extinguisher. It was by God's grace that we happened to have one, because if our home was a typical home we would not have.
• My roommate was home. If I had slept longer, she would have been back to school to finish some work that night. If I had woken up earlier, she would have been at volleyball practice. The fact that someone was home and able to put the fire out was more than sheer luck. 
• Nothing was damaged or burned. The burner was sitting on a wooden table. Wood is super flammable, but there was not even a burn mark. Nor was there a burn mark on the wall. Nor did any of our large accumulation of CARDBOARD boxes (aka the thing I throw into a fire when I need to cheat to start one because it's so incredibly flammable) that rested less than a foot from the stove catch the flame. This was nothing short of miraculous. In every logical sense, the house should have burned down in flames, I should be covered in burns because I was so close that it singed away a little of my hair, and nothing should be okay. But there's no damage. At all. To anything. Except my roommate's trust of me cooking or using appliances without supervision. 

#thankfulforfriendship

My roomie and I

The amount of "coincidences" that were clearly at work that night was such a huge reminder that God is here fighting for me. On the good days, the bad days, the days that my house catches on fire and every day in between. And this has started gearing my brain to look for His protection and sovereignty in the other aspects of my life now: Like how God went before and picked out the person who I'd be living with, which was just a random person that my principle put me in contact with, but has turned out to be a great friend and encouragement during this crazy time of transition. We also have a set of other roommate friends that we go on "roommate double dates" with, and it's crazy because there was a time when various variations of us had been discussing being roommates with each other but  we ended up where we ended up adn they're a pretty perfect pair for each other too. It seems God did not leave that as much to randomness and chance as I once thought He did.

And being able to see that God did not leave these things to chance helps me to trust that He's not leaving the other things in my life to chance. I'm teaching the random assortment of classes that I'm mostly not qualified for right now for a reason. I'm teaching the students that are in my classes right now, because God has BIG plans for using me in their lives and them in mine. I live in a country where I stick out like a sore thumb, because God has brought me here with purpose. And even when I can't see the reason or purpose behind what He's doing, I can trust that He can. And that His plans really are working out for my good (Romans 8:28).

I don't know where your life is right now. I don't know what circumstances are making you wonder if God knows about them or is in control of them. But take heart friend! He is in control and has known way before they occurred. God also has that advantage of seeing the whole picture in a way that we are unable to see. And He says to us, "I'm working things out for your good and for my glory, my child." So choose to praise Him and trust the goodness that is central to His character.







Side note with some ministry updates:

• Praise that we've found a place to live! It's nice. It takes a minute to walk to and from school and we can't wait to use that house to bless others with!
• Praise also that we've had a pretty fantastic and smooth start to the school year! My students are pretty much the bomb.com and I've had a lot of fun getting to know them so far. 
• Prayers as I'm still overwhelmed with the work of being a new teacher and especially with teaching some classes I have absolutely no training in. I just want to be a good teacher for these kids and only through God's grace will I do the kind of job these kids deserve.
• Prayers also as I hope to find ways to be a blessing to the community around me. I don't know exactly what kind of opportunities or ministries God has prepared for me, but I'm eager to find out and start serving more. 

And also if you're really interested in partnering with this ministry, I never reached the full 100% goal of my fundraising target so you can still help financially support me by going to give.teachbeyond.org, choosing a giving option and putting my name in the project field. And major thank you to everyone who is giving to this ministry and praying for the things I'm doing here, you guys are the best and I couldn't be doing what I'm currently doing without ya'll! 

An Open Letter of a Missionary about to Head Into the Field

Dear Friends,

The time is here. It's almost time for my departure. For two whole years. Which when you look at it as a percentage of my total time on earth seems minuscule.  But at the same time, it seems enormous. And life-changing. It feels like I'm getting on that airplane to a distant world, a people I don't know and leaving behind everything I know and love forever (maybe my imagination has a tendency to flare towards the dramatic). And there's a few things I want you to know, both for my sake and yours, as I step on that plane and spend my first few months in the field.

First I love you all dearly and wish I could be with you. My heart really yearns here to be in two places at once. I want desperately to be where God has called me to be, but at the same time my heart longs to be with you. Over the next two years, I will miss a lot. I will miss the good: weddings, births, random late-night shenanigans that will bond you my friends closer. I will miss the growth of you as people and of the growth of things I love. Like the campus ministry organization which stood a full 20 people strong on a good day when I started 5 years ago, and this year will take on almost that many on leadership to accommodate our rapid growth. (Might I say Gappers, I'm so so so stoked to hear about the things you are doing on campus while I'm away! Please, please tell me!! I desire so greatly to celebrate with you still!) I'll miss the not-so-good things that I wish I could walk through with you: the break-ups, the terrible family news, the stressful days. And my heart is already leaping out of my chest wanting so desperately to be there for you. So for the good and the bad friends, I'm sorry I'll miss it. Keep me up to date and I'll work on loving you as well as I can from a far. And know that it hurts me just as much as it hurts you that I can't be there for it all.

Secondly, as I leave you I'll need you as much or more than ever. I'll need all the encouragement and prayers from you that I can possibly get. As I transition, some days my missing of all of you will get the best of me. Learning a new culture will be both exciting and exhausting. I was told that while adjusting some days it will be enough to just learn how to successfully navigate through the store and buy a gallon of milk before getting exhausted from trying to navigate all the change and that's okay. On top of that, this is my first ever "big girl job". The first time I'll have a classroom all as my own, which is also both exciting and terrifying because of all the potential that it holds both good and bad. On top of all this, the term "missionary" still toys with me at times revealing areas deep within where I feel inadequate and unworthy. So that means that I'll need a lot of encouragement to start. Encourage me that I'm right where I'm supposed to be, that you're still there and still love me (which is harder to remember when people aren't right there with you), and that God is still good and in control. Don't underestimate how much this might mean to me throughout this journey.

And on the note of adjusting to a new culture, know that our lives are going to start being shaped in very different ways. We all experienced this slightly after high school graduation, but when a friend moves away, your experiences start to become different. This will often cause a drift as you share less common ground. I fear this happening with many of friendships back home but on a more drastic scale because of the magnitude of difference between our experiences. What I'm going to try to do to beat this is listen actively and with empathy for each of you as you share with me what life is becoming. I urge you to listen in the same way with me. I've already felt isolated at times as I tried to express what was going on: my fears, my celebrations, my expectations and experiences preparing for this and all I received in return was blank stares or "Oh, that's nice/sucky/(insert emotion)." It's going to be a lot more effort, but please try to listen in a way to understand me. I really do want to share this part of my life with you too.

Also give me some extra grace. Trying to live fully in a new world while loving the old from far away will be really difficult. I will not likely reach out as much as you may think I should. It's not that I want to totally leave this life behind, but I want to be able to be fully there in my new life too. It's going to be really tricky to balance the two things so give me a lot of extra grace and patience as I try to figure out how that works.

Finally I'm excited to be sharing with you in advancing God's kingdom in a new way. I'm excited that over 8,000 miles away, you will be partaking in the same mission as me. That we still work together in advancing the cause of Christ. That we can still learn and grow together and from each other. That while everything in life is changing, we can remain bonded through the Lord and His purpose in each of our lives. Keep pursuing God hard and doing His kingdom work in the place I'm now physically leaving behind and know I will be continuing to pray for you.

I love you my dear friends more than you might ever realize.

Love,

Kacie

Almost One Month til Go Time!

We're coming in fast on the one month until I leave mark. Currently I've been asked a lot of what I'm thinking and what I'm feeling. After all, I am getting really close to literally moving as physically possible from home for the next two years. That's a big step.

The first thing that comes to mind is that it doesn't feel real still. Maybe next week when I go to a week long training at Wheaton College, it will. If not then, maybe when I have all my money raised. But if not then, definitely when I board the airplane. And in the rare case that even after I land it still doesn't feel real, my guess is it will a few weeks after being there. When kids show up persistently in my classroom every day and expect me to teach them for the next 9 months or so. By then, it definitely has to feel real. But for now, it doesn't. And I think that's okay. I think changes don't really hit us in life until we realize we can't go back (not that I want to).

I'm also feeling excited. I love adventure and this is going to be one of my grandest. I'm excited to meet the missionaries who spend every day working for the Lord over there and getting the chance to serve them and their families. I'm excited to meet locals, build relationships with people that are nothing like me, and learn a lot about another culture. I'm excited to learn to live in a way so unlike what I've been taught here in America. I'm also excited to have my own classroom with my own students (who will think I'm grown up enough to make all of the important decisions for us!). I'm excited to mentor these students, love and challenge them into greater depths in their relationships with Christ.  I'm excited for the friendships that are sure to happen, the laughter and the joy the Lord will bring me and my new comrades over there.

I'm nervous too. I'm nervous that I won't get the money in time. I'm nervous that I'll forget to pack really important things and then be unable to obtain them somehow over there. I'm nervous that I'll be too wrapped up in my ministry there that I'll forget to stay in touch. I'm nervous that everyone will forget about me over the two years I'm gone.

But over all of the feelings I'm having, the last few days I've had this weird sense of peace. Despite all of the changes that are about to occur in my life, the Lord's still with me and the Lord's still in control. And He's had this plan up His sleeve since before I was born. So I rest in peace knowing He will take care of everything and lead me as I go.

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

The Biblical Basis of Support Raising

This post has been prayed over for a long time. Because of how taboo any topic regarding finances can be, I want to be extremely careful with how I deal with this. Especially because I don't want to come off as using a post like this to manipulate others into feeling obligated to financially support me.  Yet I, myself, had many misguided views when I was first approached with this issue of support raising and as I have been in the process, I have noticed similar misunderstandings in others. So I feel this post is necessary for two reasons. One, I have friends who will someday be following my footsteps into missions and full-time Christian work. I have the opportunity to blaze the trail for them as they someday will figure out how this will come about in their lives. Having a right view on support raising will be essential for their future ministries, whether it's the soon-to-be doctor working in another country, the social worker who wants to fight injustice in Costa Rica, or the friend who has forsaken a job to fully commit to pastoring a campus ministry. Secondly I believe for us to correctly steward our resource of money, we can't be afraid to talk about it and explore the different ways God may be calling us to use it.

Let's start with the basics. Many missionaries (and some full-time Christian workers) receive no salary for the work that they do. However although these Christian workers work for no material reward, there still is a need for material things. So it becomes the church's responsibility to act as a body and care for their basic physical needs like food and shelter. When the early church started in Acts 2, we saw this sense of responsibility for one another: All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. (Acts 2:44-45). Even when it came to material possessions, these believers had no sense of "mine". I personally am under the impression that the "mine" mentality has plagued the church and kept it from reaching its fullest potential in the Western Hemisphere. Jesus told us the way unbelievers would know the Church was the real deal was by the way we loved one another (John 13:35). And a "me" attitude keeps us from loving one another fully as we hold back and take care of ourselves. God never meant the church to be a collection of "me"s but a collective "we".  Call me radical but this was the early church functioned and they "added to their numbers daily those who were being saved" (Acts 2:47). And this does not seem to be just a concession for those in Christian service raising support, but also to our brothers and sisters in need (with laziness being warned off in 2 Thessalonians 3:10). Paul furthermore defends missionaries raising support in 1st Corinthians 9:1-14. This set of verses hits their culminating point in verse 13: Don't you know that those who serve in the temple get their food from the temple, and that those who serve at the alter share in what is offered at the alter? In the same way, the Lord has commanded that those who preach the Gospel receive their living from the Gospel. Paul in other letters thanks churches for supporting him so that he can bring the gospel to other areas "free of charge" (2nd Corinthians 11).

This is the missionary life. Receive from one place to bless in another. We are the transferers of blessing for all. To one we move  a blessing to the area by serving and caring for the spiritual and/or physical needs of the area. To another, we offer the service of being spiritual "brokers". A misconception I had before I started support raising is that I would have to go out and beg for money. That I would be at the mercy of people choosing to be generous and would have to sell myself and my ministry like a door to door salesman. This is an attitude I have to battle every day still but several books (The God Ask, Friendraising) and those who have gone before me have encouraged me that this is not  the case. God has called us all to an incredibly large task. To go and make disciples of ALL nations (Matthew 28:18-20). But how in the world can we do that when we can only physically occupy one dot on the globe at a time? And if all Christians picked up and took a vacation to each country to spread the Gospel for a day or two, it would be an incredibly inefficient use of our resources that God expects us to be good stewards of. So God has created a system where there are two jobs: goers and senders. Some of us are called to go and take the Gospel with us to some distant land. But God does not expect that of all of us. We would never have the resources to be a sustainable force that way. So God has called most of us to work jobs, to share with our co-workers and customers the Gospel and to make some sort of income while doing so. But contrary to popular belief, once the taxes are taken out of your paycheck the money is not completely yours to do with as you wish in the Kingdom of God. God has given us out of His abundance a portion of money to take home every week. It is not yours, you did not earn it. God gave you the opportunity of your job, the energy to complete it, the favor of your boss to let you keep it, and ultimately all there ever was and is will always be God's anyway. God is the Creator of all things and the owner of all things. He just lets us manage His things for a while. And when the Lord gives us this opportunity to manage this money He gives us choices to make about using it for worldly things or using it to invest in heavenly things. In the book of Matthew, Jesus teaches us on this matter: "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth and rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matthew 6: 19-21). Becoming a supporter of a missionary allows you to regularly transfer your money from earthly things to investing in heavenly things or "storing up treasures in heaven". When missionaries ask for your support, they are giving you an opportunity to invest in God's kingdom expanding throughout the globe as our Lord Jesus commanded and are giving you the opportunity to move the money from your bank account to be credited to your spiritual account. When you give, you are not doing some big favor to missionaries, you benefit each other.

Additionally I want to just send an encouragement out their to those who read this and are like "Man, that sounds really great and all but I just really don't have the extra to give." While there is in one sense a financial responsibility we need to have, I think sometimes we take it too far. Do we really think that we are going to give so much that we will be out of God's reach? Do we think we will outgive God and He will not take care of us? In Malachi, God invites us to the only time He allows us to test Him in the whole Bible by bringing in the whole tithe aka by giving. And when we do this He says, "And see if I will not open the floodgates of blessing in heaven and pour out so much blessing there will not be enough room to store it!" In Matthew, right after Jesus talks about moving treasures to a spiritual bank account from our earthly one, He tells us also not to worry because God will take care of our needs. After all, God looks after feeding the sparrows and clothing the flowers of the field. Surely He will take care of us! It's like Jesus anticipated this fear and worry that giving caused. And He says, "My little child, don't worry. I, myself, will take care of you." I don't know about you, but I want that experience of God Himself taking care of me rather than always just trusting in my own ability. Going beyond your ability clears up space for God to do His thing.

Finally I write all these things not to tell you that I need your money. But for those who have given, I want to encourage you about the greatness of what you're doing. For those who haven't and are considering, I want to lay before you some of the Scriptures that have guided my changing viewpoint.  I am currently at 48% of my monthly support. I have raised about $700 a month and have $800 more to raise. I may not know how I will get this money at this point, but I'm trusting in the Lord. He has called me to this position, He will take care of me no matter what. Even if it can only be done through His miraculous hand, He is faithful and He will do it (1st Thes. 5:24). But at the same time, I want you to have the opportunity to share in this work with me. If you'd like to help in this way, become a partner. Go to give.teachbeyond.org and make sure to write "Kacie Leneway 40354" when it asks you where you want your funds to go.  But if you don't feel like you're being called to partner this way, please pray that God does a work and makes a way for me. Because God will provide. He who called me is faithful and He will do it but we still have that responsibility to be praying for it, especially right now when we may not see how the way may be possible.

Battling Discouragement

I stated before that my promise to you, my readers, is to be brutally honest and transparent about how things have been going. This goes with my hope to make my life a 2nd Corinthians 4:7 kind of life: "one that holds this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us."  The more broken the jar, the more God's light and power can be seen through each situation. I've been therefore striving not to cover up these cracks but to expose them so everyone may see how God has "power made perfect in my weakness" (2nd Corinthians 12:9). This story that I've lived out in the last few weeks is one that highlights my weakness and shows how God is honored and comes through in strength and glory.

During student teaching, I had taken a month or so off of support-raising due to how hectic my life was getting and because without doing so I was not able to honor God fully by preparing to teach with the excellence that my students deserved. As this time of student teaching was coming to a close, I decided that I was ready to jump back into the support-raising game. There were so many people that I had neglected to call/email/get back to and I knew that after taking time off I would have to work extra hard to keep up with my goal of being fully-funded by the time I leave in August. But then it happened. Call it discouragement, call it an unshakeable apathy, call it an unconquerable fear, call it hopelessness, but whatever you call it I could not bring myself to pick up the phone. There were a few nights that I would sit in my room ready to make calls and would sit there for 40 minutes to an hour without doing anything but stare at that phone. I would pray for God to give me courage, for God to help me, for God to lead me, but would feel nothing and still sat there paralyzed. 

What's worse is I didn't tell anyone. I owed it to my supporters, to my friends, to everyone I told about my journey to be working hard to get to the Philippines and since this thing has become about a team so much bigger than me, I was no longer just wasting my time, I was sitting there wasting their time. Wasting their efforts if my inability to pick up that phone led to failure. Besides that nagging voice in my head kept telling me, "It's impossible. It'll never work anyway. Just save yourself the time and give up now."  All of this drove me into a place of shame and hiding. What drove me even further into this was a verse that has nagged me since I heard someone speak on it. 1st Samuel 30:6 ends with "but David encouraged himself in the Lord." (KJV). David endured hard circumstances, the people earlier in the verse were talking about stoning him for Pete's sake!  Yet David "encouraged himself".  David can encourage himself, why can't you Kacie? Not spiritual enough? If so, who are you to be going to be a missionary? If David can do it, surely you can. But as hard as I tried to encourage myself, I was still completely psyched out. And I was completely ashamed not only of my failure, but my inability to pull up my bootstraps, pray a little harder, seek God a little harder and find enough encouragement in that to "make myself better again".  

Finally I got enough courage to text a few of my prayer warriors at least. I wasn't doing well on my own, and I needed help. Or as a quote that a friend had reminded me of in a completely unrelated story the night before goes: Grace flows to the deepest part we expose. Sin beckons us to come and hide. Grace sets us free. Allowing others to pray for you in those dark moments that you wish no one knew of LEADS TO FREEDOM. The very thing the Devil makes you not want to do is the exact thing that will lead you out of his bondage. 

It was days later that I met with my accountability partner over dinner. I had to confess where I had been and what was going on. What was hard for me to tell her was also hard for her to hear. Because she knew that as hard as she pushed, as tough as she was with me, it'd be almost impossible to move me when I was driven so far into a shell of fear and discouragement. At camp, we talked about the three zones that someone could be in at any point: the comfort zone, the groan/grown zone and the safety zone (where fear paralyzes someone so much they can't move).  I was in the safety zone with support raising, so as much as she scolded me or told me I could do it, we both knew it wouldn't change a thing. We needed Someone bigger than us to intervene. It had to be a God thing. 

Well during that dinner date, my accountability partner got a text from someone she had met a few months before under some strange circumstances.  This person happened to be a youth pastor at a local church. After seeing this text, she said, "Oh, I know you need to meet Josh! I don't have the right words for you, but he'll know! And he'll have some new ideas of ways you can raise some funds too!"  It was about 30 minutes later that we were sitting in a coffee shop with Josh. He rattled off idea after idea and how I could involve and rely on others to help me in these different approaches while continuing to ask others to join the team. He assured me that from my story it was so obvious that God had called me to the Philippines, that it would be ridiculous to think He wouldn't provide for it. He encouraged me to remember how God had provided in the past and the things He has done in my life. I walked away from that conversation with papers full of ideas and with a new life and energy in me. When I couldn't muster up my own strength, God Himself renewed me through this "chance" meeting.  This brokenness in me was something God had planned to heal in such a way that no one could doubt it was only through Him and His goodness. When you are down, know that God is looking to be the encouragement and "strength of your heart" (Psalm 73:26). He wants you to learn to turn to no one but Him. As Hosea 2:14 states, God wants to lead us into the desert away from every other comfort that we go to so we learn to rely on Him and Him alone. 

That was the first turning point in battling this discouragement monster that was haunting me. The second came days later. I was on a walk trying to go back to the source of why I was so discouraged. As I got down to it, I knew one of the underlying driving force was that voice that taunted: "What if you fail?" From listening to this sermon as I was falling asleep earlier that week, I knew that I had to face these fear head on. Originally my answer was if I don't get the funds to go to the Philippines after knowing so clearly God had called me to it, my faith could fail. Probably not all the way, but I would still be shaken up greatly as this was something God had rearranged my plans around so much for and gotten my heart so excited for and then to pull the rug up from under me? Well how could you trust someone like that? (Disclaimer: That is not the kind of God we worship. GOD IS FAITHFUL.1st Thessalonians 5:24.)  But then I started to think of it the same way I think of a relationship when it ends.  The way to judge if a relationship is a good choice even if it could end is: Does this make you a better person when all's said and done? Will it bring you closer to God? If the answers are "yes", then there's no loss from being a part of that relationship. So I began to analyze the process in which I've been working towards being a missionary in that way. During this process, God has shown Himself in crazy ways. We've shared intimate moments of weakness and vulnerability where I've needed to press so deeply into Him. He's teaching me what it means to need Him every hour. And He's been slowly but surely drawing out what small bravery that I have for Him so He can build it and grow it for the good works I'll need it for that He's prepared in advance for me to do (Ephesians 2:10). God's been drawing me near and been preparing me for even greater works.  I will be better and have experienced a greater closeness to God for the whole thing. Even if I fail and never make it to the Philippines, God is still good and I will still praise Him! Taking on this attitude, facing this fear directly on, has completely disarmed its ability to control me anymore. Because every time it says, "What if?", I can reply "Even if the worst happens, God is still God and I will still praise Him! Bring it! Now that I've made this resolve, you can't touch me anymore fear!!!" 

I'm now back in the game and encouraged. For the last week or so, I've been working harder than ever to reach my goals. I've even been picking up that phone to do the scary thing and make calls. In the presence of God, in His timing and in His power, He has cast away the fear and discouragement that had been overshadowing my life. Praise the Lord! But also pray for me. Pray that God would keep encouraging my heart and that He'd keep providing everything I need: the time to serve, the courage to serve and the funds to serve. Pray that He would keep reminding me of the importance of my work. And pray that I would continue to find the strength to press into Him and keep learning what it means to need Him every hour.






Also if this had a dark undertone to anyone and made them doubt whether my ministry would be provided for, know the God that called me is "faithful and He will do it" (1st Thessalonians 5:24) and that "He who began a good work will be faithful to complete it" (modified Philippians 1:6). Also praises go out because over the last two weeks God has brought me from 30% funded to almost 45% funded! So God is working! 

The Fruits of Discipleship

Anyone who knows me knows I'm a very passionate person. One of my biggest passions is training up leaders and growing Christians into greater disciples of Christ. Last semester at Standing in the Gap (the Christian on-campus organization that I was a part of), I was fortunate enough to speak on this very passion of mine. I was able to share how Paul calls us to raise up disciples as fathers raise their children. I don't desire to share that all here for sake of repetition, but if you want practical ideas on how to disciple send me a message and I'll send thoughts your way.

One thing I recently was reminded of though was how deeply rewarding this labor is. Over the last 2 or so years, I have been deeply involved in raising up leadership on SVSU's campus. I've worked on training several students on how to be disciple-makers and continue the work I had started on SVSU's campus. I've created discipleship groups, met one on one with my aspiring leaders, and challenged the heck out of these individuals. And this last weekend I was reminded of how much doing that work can pay off. 

I had gone up to Saginaw last weekend because of a class, but had the hope of catching up with many of the friends I had discipled. This was harder to plan than I thought though because they were right in the middle of kingdom-expanding activities. One of my boys had to blow me off to evangelize. He had the opportunity to spend time using one of his hobbies to connect to nonbelievers and couldn't pass it up. How can you blame someone for that? One of my girls left hanging out with me to go comfort someone she was discipling. My "babies", as I have so lovingly called them, were almost too busy for me because they were doing the very kingdom-expanding things I taught them to do! And the others all had come back to me with stories of how God was using them, and questions of how they could do things better. How awesome is that! I thought it was really cool when by the time I left, most of my babies (all of my official ones at least) were on Standing in the Gap's leadership team. However it was even cooler this weekend to see that those babies weren't just given a label, they were still acting those things out even after I wasn't there to guide them every day. 

But this story is not exclusive to me. It's not because I am awesome. It's because I followed what I've learned, my passions and the Holy Spirit's leading in my life. It's because I've used the gifts God's given me. God has happened to bless me with the gifts of shepherding, leadership and teaching. So my story of how I've gotten to, and will get to, use God's gifts to expand His Kingdom will look a lot different than yours might. For instance, one of the things I'm so excited for as I look to teach in the Philippines is that it will be the perfect opportunity to raise up young leaders for Christ and that's my passion and my gift. That's going to be one of the best investments I can make for the Kingdom, I'm so sure of it! But one of my friends for example might have the gift of faith. And they may pray and change the whole outlook of this tiny time we have here on earth. Another friend might have the gift of evangelism. They may go win many to Christ. I wish I was good at this, but I know God has chosen to give us all different gifts so that together we can be most effective. But the thing is, when you are using your gift, you will begin to see the fruit of your labor as long as you keep at it without giving up. And as I said when I preached, whether shepherding is your gift or not, I think discipling is a job for all of us. Because as Paul says "there are ten thousand guardians in Christ, but not many fathers" (1st Corinthians 4:15) and the importance of having fathers to help us grow up so that "we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming" (Ephesians 4:14). So go disciple, train others in the way of godliness, and be amazed at the rich fruit of blessing that follows. 

The Power of a Church Living Biblically

Although growing up in a church, many who know my story know that my passion for God and His people did not erupt in my life until midway through my college career. It was at a place called Lake Ann Camp where my eyes were opened for the first time to people who lived out the crazy kind of faith that I saw on the pages of Scripture and I was enthralled. People actually lived out what they saw in the Bible? That was a thing? And for the first time, I sensed that this is right, this is the only way Christianity made sense, for people to take God at His word and deed and actually live out the things they say they believe. Many call this approach radical, but really what makes more sense? A group of people that come once a week to fill up their spiritual juice tank, and then live the other 6 days as if life is not affected by the God of the universe wanting to have a relationship with you? Even if not deliberately living in sin and trying to live good lives, the church is often filled with people who may profess faith and trust in God but structure their lives so they'll never need to exercise that. Instead their bank account, their infallible life plan, or anything else they have structured into their life just in case will take care of that. And that's not how God called His people to be. But it has become so common place in our American culture that when you see a group of people living differently you take notice. And thankfully, that's what I found at camp. And what I was reminded of this weekend was that's the kind of body I got adopted into at my church at school, the Church In Drive.

In my journey to becoming a missionary, one thing that you have learned in my previous blogs is that this is the season of raising support for me. That means I'm building a team of monthly and one-time supporters to take care of the needs I'll have in the Philippines. Because I'm receiving no salary, this is a way my life is structured on faith right now.

This past weekend I was in Saginaw and meet with many members of my church up there. My first meeting was with the pastor of it. Now let me first tell you about my church. We're a church plant that although has seen significant growth in the last 5 years or so since I've been there is still just a tiny church plant that lives in a store front. The congregation is composed of about 50 people on a good day. Many of these people are either in college or recent college grads so don't have much money either. But these are people who live incredibly by faith.

As I met with my pastor, before I could say much of anything or make any requests, he said "Look Kacie, I know the Church doesn't have much, but we've all been talking about it and as a Body we want to support you. It might not make sense with our budget right now, but God loves a generous giver, God calls us to take care of the Body and what God orders He provides for. We'll give until it hurts because God will not just let us flounder or suffer because we gave too much. You can't out give God." This statement of trust put an awe in my heart for this little church of mine. This little church that didn't really have enough money to hire a second babysitter so had left me in charge of about 8 or so kids on my own from time to time. The little church that I bring blankets to when we have a meeting there because we can't afford to heat the whole place thoroughly. A little church that says we don't need the best of everything, we just need to follow God hard. And I'm drooling over how awesome this little church is.

Because I've seen a lot of the flip side in this process too. I've seen a lot of people who appear to live very comfortable lives say they can't afford to give. I've seen churches say, "Supporting missionaries won't fit in our budget right now and doesn't really fit our mission. We've got to take care of the community." Don't get me wrong I really understand that and I'm not expecting every church I contact to support me and I really believe our local communities need to be won to Christ, but I think that the mentality behind these statements might be a little off. While I am aware of the necessity of planning and preparation, of budgeting and being deliberate, I also am aware that we have access to the unlimited Supplier. I am aware that the only time God tells us to test Him is in this exact manner.

"Will a man rob God? Yet you rob me. But you ask, 'How do we rob you?' In tithes and offerings. You are under a curse-the whole nation of you-because you are robbing me. Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this, says the Lord Almighty, and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing you will not have enough room for it." (Malachi 3:8-10)

It appears that in giving you can never give too much, because says when you give that's when He will bless you beyond abundance. I personally want to know every aspect of the Names of God. This includes getting to know Jehovah Jirah, "my God provides". It's beautiful seeing a church that lives that out and demonstrates that for me.

But this isn't meant to be a blog criticizing giving, because 1. I really am appreciative for everyone who gave as they decided in their heart was best, 2. I don't want to be manipulative and 3. After praying about it, maybe this isn't specifically where you're called to give. And that's okay.

What I do want to do through this blog is praise my little church, who lives out their commitment to Christ in more than just this way. As I met with other members, the general vibe was "I've already been advocating for you. Equip me with what I need to be better at this." or "Can I not only support you but share this with family members/people I work with/etc.?" These weren't people who were just excited for me, but knew that we are inseparably linked as part of one body. Romans 12:5 says, "so in Christ, we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others." Did you ever realize you belong to the other members of your church? Belong means to be the property of. The church is a place where I own you and you own me. Later in that Romans 12 chapter, Paul goes on to say "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves." Paul is saying, "We need to stop acting as individuals and looking out for our own needs and interests and start looking to the needs and interests of everyone around us first." And if everyone does that, you best believe someone's going to take care of yours too.  And what we don't realize is this creates a freedom for us! A freedom from having to look out for Number One. And that's what a church is supposed to look like! This is what the early church, from back in Acts 2:42-47, where people were getting saved every day looked like! Have you ever stopped and wondered why we don't see as many conversions and miracles as the book of Acts, the book of early church history tells us about? I have. It's something that's deeply troubled me. And I'm convinced that along with a lack of faith, it's because we don't love each other and take care of each other in the way the Bible describes. In that "sacrificial, this doesn't make sense or benefit me at all" kind of way. But I'm here to tell you it's not impossible. I see individuals living it out. I see my church living it out. And I don't think it's any coincidence either that it's at this church I see more changed lives than at other places I've been. Because the power of believers loving one another in the way Jesus commanded us to is absolutely absurd, so much so it makes outsiders take note and eventually it makes them want this radically different life.

So today I'm thankful for my church. I'm thankful for this radical little group of believers that are an unstoppable force for God. And today I encourage you my reader to thank God for those people who radically live out that example of what faith is supposed to look like for you. And I also encourage you, if you're not someone living out that radical kind of faith for others to evaluate what changes God might be calling you to make to live more radically for Him.



Note: I know this is a post that might not be popular with my readers. I know some of the things in this might even be borderline offensive to some of the people I have talked to thus far. While this is not my intent, I do not wish to gloss over the full truth of Scripture and the way today's world and life does not match up to that. I am not ashamed of the Truth or the Gospel, and I am not afraid to say the hard things that need to be said. This is no personal attack to anyone or any church in particular, but just my general observations about things.

A Land Full of Giants

I'm almost a month into both student teaching now and support raising. So I guess a good question to you, my general public, is what does one do after "coming out of the missionary closet"? And I know my friends, you told me I should stop calling it that but......I couldn't resist this time ;)

Well, during the last few weeks I have started my support raising. I have been sending a round of letters, making calls/sending messages asking people for appointments, presenting to people about what I'm going to do and asking them to become a partner in what God is planning to do through me, and then put the process on repeat. Send out more letters, make more appointments, ask more people. It's really exhausting. And I've been debating at this very early point in my journey if I was going to use this blog to fully display what is going on in my heart and mind, or if I was going to gloss over that and just give you the positives and joys as I believe we too often in Christianity tend to do. Just praise, this is where I'm at, this is what God's doing, and ignore the messy. And I could do that because God has brought a lot of really positive and really cool things along in this journey. But I'll talk more about those later. Right now I believe God wants me to talk about the messy because as one of my favorite verses, 2nd Corinthians 4:7 says "But we hold these treasures in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not us."  The more broken the jar, the more the light can shine through so I guess I'm going to work on being a broken jar so you all can see more of God's glory in this process.

Right now I'm a month in. I've set goals every month for an amount that I would raise of my monthly support for when I leave.  Every month the amount I have to raise grows. My first amount was $100 a month. Praise God I was able to make that amount to round out January! But after working so hard every night and day between that and student teaching, my goals that keep increasing seem daunting. Like this month, my plan is to make $250. By April my plan is to add $400 of monthly support to my monthly team. And right now those numbers seem daunting. Because if I can work so hard this month and barely get $100 how in the world will I ever get to $400 a month? Or more importantly to my grand total that I need each month in my budget, $1500? $100 in, those numbers seem huge.

On top of that, my plan is falling apart. People that I expected for sure to join my monthly team have told me that they couldn't. People that have joined have joined for a lot less than I thought they would. (Not that I'm not grateful for them, I just learned my predictions of the ability people actually have to give started way off.) My simple little plan of I need to get these many people at these amounts has completely fell apart. My plan which had been so easily do-able by my own standards.


And I think that's why God has let my plan fall apart. Because He knows I could have easily done it in my own strength. And if I do it in my own strength, what glory would He get in the process? Instead God says, "Look now at these things that you can't do on your own. It's when I accomplish them, clearly not by your strength, that I will get the glory from it. I want to use these things to show My Strength so that you may know that I am Lord, the Almighty, the Provider."

Where I'm at now reminds me of David and Goliath. Goliath stood at a massive 10 feet tall. 10 stinkin' feet!  David was at least 4 feet shorter. That's like a child standing on his shoulders would barely be Mr. Goliath's height. And this giant came out every day and taunted God's people, "Who are you to mess with me? You can't defeat me, just look at me, look at me. Give up, give up, give up."

And everyone saw that giant, and knew how impossible the situation was. Goliath was right. In their own strength, they could never stand against him.

But then there was David, who was probably a young teenager at the time. David heard Goliath's mocks but didn't listen to him. He didn't look at the giant as Goliath insisted he would. Instead he "fixed his eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith" (Hebrews 12:2). And because his eyes were on Jesus, it didn't matter how big the giant was. David knew His God was bigger.  And maybe the other characters in the story thought, "Man if only Goliath was not so big we could do this." But David said, "Because Goliath is so big, people will know it is only by the Lord's strength that we could do this." David didn't see the challenge as a challenge but as an opportunity for God to show through.

This is the attitude I'm working on. I'm starting to say, "Shut up soul! Stop being so down about this all! Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and God." (Modified Psalm 42:11). I'm working on "fixing my eyes on Jesus" and not on my giants that I can not slay on my own. Prayers for me as I learn to do this and not rely on my own strength. And when I'm fully funded by the end of June, praise will be to God who clearly did this through His strong and mighty hand.

But here's what I've got for you, my dear friend. I don't know what giant you're facing right now. Maybe this semester is already looking to hard and overwhelming. Maybe things with your family are getting rough and you don't really know how everything will work itself out. Maybe money is getting tight and you don't know how you're going to make rent this next month. Stop looking at those giants. Stop running away from them. Face them head on, eyes fixed on Jesus so that when you come out of it victorious, it will be obvious to all that God is alive and working in our world and in your life. Because God is very alive and well, and He longs to work in your life.

How I became a Missionary: A Lost Canoe and an Epic Adventure

If you ask any of my friends, one of the things I'm best known for is my ridiculous stories. It's not just that I'm a gifted story-teller, but I genuinely have the most ridiculous things happen to me on a semi-regular basis. So if the story of how I became a missionary lacked one of those stories, well, we could probably assume that it wasn't actually my life. So here is my crazy story. It's how I got the courage and confidence to turn in my application.

It was mid-October. I had prayed up quite a bit at this point and was fairly certain God was calling me into missions. However I liken myself to Gideon at this point. I even think I recited his story back to God one time when I was praying: "You know God, I remember that guy Gideon of yours. He asked for that silly sign with the fleece and you did it to confirm his calling. You wouldn't mind throwing me a bone like that would you?" And this was one of those prayers although I meant, I didn't really know that God would answer. Because it seems too much to ask a sign of Him, the Almighty God of the Universe.

I was at a retreat at a camp with my college group, Standing in the Gap. We were having an hour of alone time with God. The night before I had really wanted to canoe and almost took a group to the middle of the lake but we couldn't find any paddles in the dark. This desire still burned into me so I decided I'd grab a canoe and meet God "upon the waters" if you will. I paddled all the way across to an island that was at the other side. It was windy and wavy and the journey was hard, but I had this determination. If God wanted me to work, I was going to work for Him. I'd strive, I'd labor as long as I could be close to His heart. Throughout this process, I found myself thinking even though the road to becoming a missionary would be a hard one, it would be worth it as long as I could be close to His heart. At the other side, I stopped. I read a Psalm. Then I decided to head back so I'd be back before the hour was up and people started worrying (since it's so much harder to predict travel time in canoe).

But more than ever, here is where my adventure really started. Remember the wind and the waves? Well, maybe on my way out I should have paid a little more attention to just how windy it was. As I tried to paddle back the wind was so strong, I could make no progress against it. After 20 minutes of relentless paddling, I was about 15 feet from where I started. My arms were already getting close to worn out, because of how hard I had to paddle.  And I had about 90% left of the lake to go. Obviously it was time to revise my plan a little.

What I decided next was I would just paddle to the nearest shore. I would need to ditch the canoe but we could always walk around the lake and go back for it.  And I would at least be able to follow the lake back to the camp. After a bit of struggling, I got to a dock by the shore. It was at this point I realized I had no rope to tie my canoe up. Okay, time to revise the plan again because I'm not losing a canoe on these people. Nearby I saw a pile of logs scattered in the water. I decided if I jammed the canoe in there it would at least not run away on me. So with my expert canoeing skills, I jammed it.

Unfortunately I was still about 10 feet from shore and I couldn't tell how deep the water was. Nor did I really want to wade in water anyway, since it was October in Michigan. It was then I noticed these weird fungus-y lily pads leading up to the shore. I have never seen something like it before and I doubt I will ever see something like them again. But God was providing for me that day. I stepped on each lily pad and although I sank a little, and sometimes I lost my footing and fell off, I got to shore a lot less wet than I could have been. It was during that ritual God spoke to my heart this message though, "Kacie, you say you want to adventure with me, but you forget something. It's my adventure. I get to define the terms. It won't always be pleasant or easy. But at least, we'll get to be together. But remember my adventure, my terms."

To recap, I was now exhausted from canoeing. I was almost wet up to my waist from wading through the lily pads. In front of me was one of the steepest hills I have ever seen. Seriously it was almost straight up. I had no idea, in my state, how I could ever climb it without just slipping and falling back into the lake. So I walked alongside it for a while, knowing eventually I would have to climb but looking for the ideal spot. All this time I was also having some pretty heavy, inner-dialogue with God going on. I was probably complaining more than I should, but I was also acknowledging how desperate I was for His help even in this next step. And marveling at some of the ways He had provided and lead me this far. It was as I was marveling that I saw quite the sight on the side of that hill. At one part, there were almost 20 fallen trees arranged in a perfectly linear fashion leading up the hill. Just like a staircase. So I went for it. I ran up this staircase and behind me these trees crumbled. I felt like Indiana Jones. But I know that staircase, those trees that had fallen, was something God had put there just to show me how He provides for me. God, the provider, gets another point. Which is good because going into missions one of the biggest things that could have stopped me was not trusting in God's provision.

I now started following the edge of the lake back to camp. From my understanding of lakes, I knew that as long as I followed the edge I wouldn't get lost. But then I hit it. Embedded on the side of the lake, which I couldn't see before, was about a 30 foot channel. There was no way I could cross it. I figured it maybe went just a little into the land and I could go around, but after searching there was no luck with that. So I began to ask God for help again. In my desperation, I started knocking on the doors of houses looking for directions at the very least. But alas, the whole area was filled with summer homes and being mid October, they were out of commission for the season.

Finally I saw them. A little old man and lady raking their yard. Thanking God, I went up to them the cold, shivering, wet pitiful mess I was and asked for directions on how to get to camp. The old man let out  a little laugh as he told me it was about 8 miles to get to the bridge that connected the two sides. Eight miles! Thankfully he took one look up and down me before offering a ride. The man and I drove back in his truck. I shared with him my adventure, my predicament, and the things I had been thinking about that afternoon. But more importantly I was able to listen about his grandchildren, his life, his hopes and dreams.  That ride became such a blessed part of the adventure. I had not only needed God's help that day, I had needed others to bless me with their generosity and God had put this man there for that purpose. I know the same thing is necessary in my ministry, but this reminds me it's a blessing from God for both of us and I need to allow the body to bless me and look to bless them in return. And something that was especially cool was his wife and him had only come up that weekend to close up the cabin for the winter. Talk about God's provision.

I had arrived safely back at camp. And seeing God's provision, His goodness, His faithfulness, and hearing without a shadow of a doubt His call, I knew I was now ready. To trust Him, to trust others, to bless and to be blessed. But most importantly to follow Him wherever He lead, even if that was into missions.

To my friends: Life with God is supposed to be an adventure. It's supposed to be exciting and real...and you're supposed to be in over your head at times. But there's great joy in doing that adventure with God, in following His voice where He calls, and even stepping out into the waters amongst the wind and waves as long as you're with Him. I pray we'd all learn to say as Moses did: "If Your presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here" (Exodus 33:15) and choose only to adventure with our Lord and Savior.